Am I a Bitch?

Whoa… it’s amazing what one little comment can do. I swear to god, I don’t know how I get involved with these people.

Let me explain. so I have icq… icq means you meet people and chat with them online. A lot of times, you can find people in your area to talk to, and sometimes you meet them and become friends and such. Well, I have talked to a few people in my town and it’s pretty cool. Well, there is this one guy who’s majorly sensitive. He’s taken me on and off his list several times. For stupid stuff, like the fact that I won’t drop everything I have to call him. I won’t give him my phone number. I don’t want to go hang out. Especially recently, when I don’t do much of anything out of the house. I spend all of my free time with my son, who I barely get to see during the week, and who deserves every second of my time ANYWAY. I’m not a free single person with no heavy responsibility or obligations. I’m a mother… a mother doing it by herself. I have family, and for the most part, they are my friends right now. I don’t want to lead people on and then neglect them. I mean the one friend I have left, I talk to her maybe once a month. But she understands and hasn’t ditched me YET.

So anyhow, the guy is really sensitive. This morning, at 7 he messages me talking about how he misses me… now most people take that as a light statement they can just say. I don’t. I don’t say that I miss someone that I don’t miss. It’s not just something I throw out just to say it. So I, innocently enough, asked him why he missed me. I mean, we barely talk. And when we do talk it’s kinda that “hey..” “hey..” “waz up?” “nothin… you?” “nothin…” and thats about it. I mean, that hardly constitutes a relationship of anything past a casual friend that you chat with on an irregular basis and don’t know that well. Other people I talk to or know online are more than that. I know more about them. I really care about their lives and I do miss them! To be truthful, some people, especially on Od, I feel like I’m closer to them than a lot of people I actually know. But this guy was nothing more than a chat person, maybe we could’ve gotten to know one another better, but it would take a while to reach that point.

Well, he blew up at me. He starts saying I’m so mean and evil, a cold emotionaly dead person whos self centered and only cares about Jonathon. He said I have no emotions, I don’t know what sensitivity is and I hate people and having friends. And then he called me a bitch whose always been a bitch and will never have any good friends. Ok… I thought this was funny. I’m a bitch because when we first started talking I wouldn’t give him my phone number. I’m a bitch because recently, I wouldn’t go and meet him and hang out and let him buy me things and buy my son things… I wanted to stay home and be a mother. I’m a bitch for asking a perfectly reasonable question and expecting a perfectly reasonable answer. Instead he freaks out.

boys are so immature sometimes. It’s insanity.

but then I got to thinking. Am I a bitch? Am I really that concieted to want to spend my free time with my son and worry about him and not want to go out. Am I a bitch to not want to gab for endless hours on the phone to someone, to not give them my phone number in the first place. Am I a bitch for not making everyone my best friend and caring intensely for every person I ever CHAT WITH OVER THE INTERNET????!!!! I am really thinking about it because another friend of mine commented that I never want to go out and I’m stifling myself or something to that effect.

What I don’t get is how these people with no children and totally different lives get off on telling me what to do with mine and telling me I’m wrong. Hell yes, I’m totally focused on my FOUR MONTH old son. Hell yes, I don’t want to do anything but spend time with him. So what if I don’t have this major social life where I throw my son off on people all the time. I like who I am and I’m not going to change because some immature little idiot called me a bitch.

But I can’t help but wonder… am I a bitch????