alive but not alive

I’ve gone from feeling Anti-Social to becoming it and embracing it at its core.

i don’t want to interact with anybody.

i don’t.

my kids get the majority of my patience and attention. otherwise i can’t be bothered.

i hate that i left my cell phone charger in longbeach. so i have to go get a new one, or a new phone. wahtever. i don’t need a new phone yet. but if it’s cheaper than the charger (I don’t care if i have to sign another contract) then that is waht i’ll do. on the other side of things, thanksgiving was nice.

i miss my dad and step mom. i felt very comfortable there this time. saw lots of family i haven’t seen in a long time.

my grandmother is going senile. it’s very upsetting.

i was not comfortable at my aunts house. my uncles girlfriend (my aunt and uncle who live together are brother and sister by the way, it’s always been that way. and when my other aunt was alive it was two sisters and the brother always together in the same house. weird? i dunno. it was nice…) is a bitch and i hate her. she’s been around forever, and she used to be cool. but for some reason for the last year or so she’s turned into an evil wench and i hate her. she snubs me and doesn’t talk to me when i talk to her. she got everyone a gift last year for christmas, but not me. so i hate her. and this time she comes in and says "whose plate is this on the table?" it was jonathons. he had been eating like 2 seconds earlier. so she said "well do you wanna get it off this table?" all bitchy and stupid. and i said sure and looked at her like she was crazy and it took all of my willpower to not go off on her stupid ass.

but whatever.

so that wasn’t very fun, but they cook good food.

bleh.

anyway, i’m battling a cold right now and it sucks. i hope to feel well enough to go to work tomorrow. i have to do a double shift, but i may have to back out of it if i’m not feeling good. we’ll see what it’s like in the morning i guess.

anyway, getting ready to take jonathon to school.

i just wanted to write an entry.

i HAD TO write an entry.

i have to get out of this solitary funk i’m in. i feel like hell and i hate every thing.

it sucks.