a horrible nightmare

 There is this buzzing noise and it’s driving me crazy.

and thus starts my Wednesday.

Actually, this "day" has been horrible since last night.

If that makes sense.

I had this really vivid horrific nightmare where Baboo had slit my throat and my blood was coming out and making bright red splashes on this dark green grass. It was so scary. I couldn’t believe it was happening and the blood was just SO RED and it was thick and so real looking. I didn’t really feel any pain though.

He was holding my neck from behind, like dangling my body face down and I was struggling and saying "Isn’t this enough?!" and he would growl "no!" and yeah. It was horrible. And it was like, I knew it was a dream and I was trying to wake up and I couldn’t. Then these two people were standing nearby making comments about it all (turns out there was this dumb infomercial on tv and it was bleeding into my dream) and yeah. I woke up in a righteous fit. I told him to turn off that damn infomercial and I couldn’t sleep for the rest of the night.

It sucked.

I feel like zombie doom.

Rewind some more to last night and Baboo, in his logic, said that we should go to the family gathering and make the most of it, not for our benefit, but for the children.

So we shall. I appreciate him bringing reason into it all.

He has this idea that he can bring a peace offering to my step mother. She really likes horses and he thinks if he buys her a figurine it will show that he wants to be accepted and that he has paid attention to things she likes and whatnot.

I have no idea if it will work. She’s on crazy lately. I dunno.

I don’t know how to interpret all of it. We used to be so close. She raised me from when I was 2 years old. She’s more mother to me than my crazy ass bio mom. We had a period of time in my teenage years where we were REALLY close…

but something is shifting. Like she’s taking on the role of crazy preacher from my father.

I have no idea.

whatever.

So I guess we’re going. We’ll go pick out some horse related something for my mother tonight, along with drinks, because for whatever reason, my parents dont’ have any drinks except for water.

but, in reality, I’m sure they have a giant pallet of soda’s but they want to hoard them and not share.

WHAT. EVER.

oh well, I gotta get to some work. I’ll be back later.