A Caged Mess
So I guess I’m writing. I don’t know how often but I’ll write. I told myself I’m not allowed to write until I leave a note for everyone I care about that has posted. I don’t know how often that will work, but since I only get maybe 5 or 6 updates a day from favs, I can safely say that I can handle that many notes. At least here. Now in the other place, I get about 2 or 3, so still easy to handle. That’s still more than the 20 or 30 I used to read on a daily basis. Can you believe that?
They are mostly gone now. I think it’s down to my core. A few that I thought really cared about me have completely left me in the wind. For example, one I’ve asked three times about facebook. She talks about it in her entries and says "oh you should see the pics, add me!" but when I try, she never responds. I think this is a one sided thing. I shall decline further involvement.
GOD I HAVE A HEADACHE.
Anyway, one of my noters mentioned that I’m different from how I used to be. I don’t know how to take it. I guess I’m boring now. I’m all wifed up and there isn’t anything exciting happening to me. I’m not trying to get laid by mysterious strangers and doing the stupidest things I can possibly think of anymore.
I don’t know what that means.
I refuse to just settle into being THIS, but how do I get out?
God I have so much to do I shouldn’t even be taking the time to ponder this. I’ve been trying to do edits on my book (which I’ve given myself 3 more weeks to finish, god it’s not gonna happen!) and being distracted by the following:
*Massive nightly headaches. I’d call it dehydration or caffeine withdrawals, but I’ve been guzzling water and making sure I have something with my drug of choice inside of it every day. Pain meds help a little, but it distracts from my desire to write. I get about a half chapter done a night. That’s not a good pace. I’m gonna have to ramp it up. I should be writing now that the baby is sleep, but my headache is visiting me early. I’m sure this is caffeine though. I haven’t had any today. Stupid addictions.
*Baby that won’t go to sleep. Yeah, he is resisting his bedtime massively lately. He screams in his crib for at least an hour before passing out. That adds to the aching I mentioned and my desire to pull out my laptop drops even lower.
*Games: So many games. When I don’t want to write, I DO want to game. I’m Guild Warring like a mofo. Beyond Two Souls came out and I definitely want to play that (we have it on pre order, but we didn’t pick it up yet lol), and the myriad of other stuff I have (Sims much? omiga, I haven’t played because when it was hot my computer would overheat and shut down. Now that its cooler I can play once more!)… yeah… so….
*Husband: He’s just.. making me crazy. lol. I love this man, no doubt, but i do wish it was legal and possible to BEAT SENSE INTO HIM. god. anyway.
so… along with my other hang ups and feeling lonely and like I want more grown up conversations about who knows what, feeling bad that one of my favs moved within MILES of me and I haven’t met her yet mainly because I’m scared to DEATH she’ll hate me and wont’ like me or read me anymore and that would just KILL ME and…
yeah…
sigh.
I’m still a mess.
I’m just a caged mess. sigh
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*HUG* You are adorable! Sorry to hear that you’re stressed. With a young child, it’s understandable. I hope you find a better balance. And maybe you can make a game of beating your husband in a way that both of you enjoy… *wink* *HUG*
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i feel like almost no one updates anymore. i really dont want to move over to prosebox but ARGH. im holding on hoping the ship doesnt sink.
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I am also going to make more of an effort to note. I’ve only known you as a wifey and find nothing boring about your writing. If someone thinks you’re different because you’re married, maybe they were reading you less for you and more for whatever excitement they didn’t have in their lives. Now set up a damn playdate with that fave of yours! You are awesome and don’t you go thinking anything else
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i have 200 something on my faves list, maybe you should add some more? lol
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I dont think you have changed as much as moved on to another phase of your life. If people cant roll with it, then to hell with them. Right? Not really, but it makes a person feel better to say that now and again. At least you didnt move to BFE and now write about chickens and homesteading.
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((hugs))
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You’re not like that honey you’re still Niquey just a calmer version.
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I like you. I don’t think you ever added me as a favorite. But as the formatting of OD messes up when I post on my new blackberry – I will have to get a pc wired up. Or write in the library I should email you to be added to your fanfic list, but I am shy. I think you sound perfectly fine. Life goes through stages. I wish I had understood that, I badly messed up my life. Now alone -you are lucky
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