07/08/2009 – title forgotten and who cares

Blue blue dress is dying.

I know what I want to do with it, but I’m having such a hard time getting there.

Like I need a kick in the pants and a super fast forward.

gotta get past the first kiss and the lost virginity first.

and then and then and then.

I see so many little bits of my life in those two stories. maybe i’m scared of it.

something like that.

I wanted to write SO BADLY when i was on my mini-vacation. I had the bug bad, but I wanted to fall into the depths of a story I had already started and I couldn’t find it. It made me sad and my fire was tempered until it went out.

I long for people to read my words and like them.

I’m such a whore.

anyway… whatever.

so i’m wearing these shoes and they bug the shit out of me.

something is wrong with one of them because it rubs into my foot and drives me crazy. i hate being able to FEEL my shoes all the time.

I don’t want ot feel them.

(40 minutes of work left, whee!).

I want to start another story, but I should finish BBD.

UGH.

I know people who want to see the end, but I feel like continuing Trigger or starting something new.

I might starta  new diary for it.

I know that I like people to read my stuff, but I know that a lot of my readers here don’t care to read the fiction.

but if I start another diary, it’s not a diary.

Perhaps I should just use my Vox for my writings.

hmmm.

stupid vox.

that’s the site i was cheating with… but I haven’t been there in months.

MONTHS I SAY!

It just had a super cute format, looks like a REALLY REAL webpage and crap.

whatever.

my little brother wants to spring clean the house. Alone.

i told him to go for it.

I hate cleaning.

I’ll do it when i reach my breaking point, but I"m not even close to being there.

I did mop the living room, kitchen and bathroom last week. My back was KILLING ME after I did it. See, that’s one of the reasons I don’t clean, my back starts hurting.

I need a damn maid.

So lets talk about something amorous.

kissing.

I really really miss kissing.

Honestly? The last few "kisses" i got weren’t as good as they could have been. It’s like we’re out of practice and we just don’t know how anymore.

The first time we met, we had this amazing make out session in the movie theater. I swear to god it was like floating and our tongues were just dancing on air. it was just awesome.

we’ve lost that.

I hate watching tv and seeing the people kiss. They are just so into each other and for me, that’s part of the whole package. those kisses that linger and last and it’s so intimate. anyone can bang you and grope you and all the rest.

but kisses, really good kisses, are something so special.

If you get them, don’t take them for granted.

I haven’t gotten a really GOOD kiss since after New Years. and I had to beg for it. but it was so awesome.

i’m getting turned on just thinking about it.

I don’t want to teach my man how to make me tick.

but maybe i have to.

maybe maybe maybe.

everyone says this is the end of the line.

but I’m not on the same page.

a few before or after or what does it matter.

the echo in my head makes me shiver, what if I am not ready?

what if I am.

I don’t want to run because of this and that without giving a chance to fight.

so i wait.

i have to see this through.

and hello friends my name is confusion. i will be your guide today.

can i have your pizza and you can have my ham.

whatever. i’m insane.

(work countdown 35 minutes)

time needs to move faster! faster bitch! ahoy!