Stuck on duty, and other thoughts….

Okay, it has been over a month again since I stopped here and wrote.  You would think that I would lose all the stuff I have put here, or my account would be locked.  I am just glad that I am still here, still able to write and that me stuff is still here….gaarrr…!  (The pirate in me talking….)  Okay, had to step out to get some water for some coffee….since I have duty, I just don’t know what to do with some of the time I have left tonight.  The girl friend and I have been e-mailing/text messaging each other all day about stuff.  And mainly, that is the reason I am here tonight, writing.  I need to vent, and here is the bes place for me.  For now, I just do not understand how someone can ask you to give up a friend.  I have already done that once for this lady, but I’m not going to do it again.  The first friend I gave up, okay, so I was having sex with the both of them, but they didn’t know about each other.  Luccy is two years older than I am.  She is about an inch shorter than I am, and is like 40 pounds lighter than I am….god she was so hot…!  Don’t get my wrong, the g/f I have, she is great, but not “hot…!”  I do not hold that against anyone, since I have not been able to really say I have had “all hot” girl friends.  Heck, Luccy and I, we weren’t even dating, we were just to be blunt, fuck buddies.  I did get her past one night where she did something pretty stupid, but maybe that is just the way she was before she met me, and was able to hide that from me.  I don’t know, I did not ask.  I tend to take what someone tells me at face, until I know differently.  Not the smartest thing, but I just believe that people are good….we are suppose to be good, and kind, and what what is good done to us, given on, and returned.  There is to much hate in this world…to much pain, to much sorrow, and not even enough trust to see it in anyone.  I hope though….for no good, I know though…but I still hope.  Anyway, so I told Jane about Luccy, and well, she got really bent about it.  I was having sex with two people, and I liked Luccy more than her….?  How can that be…and yet I start dating Jane.  Okay, I did that for a reason, and well I am not going to go back on the reasons why I started dated Jane.  Luccy and I would not have been able to make it as a couple.  We were not made for each other.  She was not sure about kids, and when I told her what was going on with me and my kids, sad she was for me, but not sure she could step up and help me with the kids should they come back to my place.  If you can’t do kids, well, we aren’t going to far….but the sex was good, we were having a great time, so that is why we were seeing each other.  Of course Jane thought that all the times when I told her I was tired and was going to bed, I was off with Luccy, or other females.  At first Jane and I were going at it like every other day, or a few times every day.  Then there was Luccy….she and I would meet up ever now and then.  Four days or so….three, but Luccy and I were still talking all the time.  She would text me, I would text her, we would call….I would be getting text messages from Jane, I would be texting her back, and lets not forget the two real working ladies that I knew and would want some of me too….of course I know why they wanted me, but hell, what is wrong with even more sex?  I was a man whore, and in a way I still am.  So when things for me were figured out that Luccy and I were just not going to be a good couple, I pretty much gave up on that one.  Plus, Luccy had been seeing someone else.  So yeah, it’s all good for Rick….I wasn’t worried about much when it came to that latine hot cake…!  But wow what an ass she had…!  So, I started talking with Jane, and she was told about Luccy….BENT…!  We got over it.  And she had no idea that I chose to stop talking to Luccy.  One day we just happen to be talking, her name came up, and I told Jane that I stopped talking to Luccy after we had that talk about her.  She was surprised, but glad at the same time…no more worries for her about Luccy.  Now what is going on is that someone else I have been talking with for a few years has come on the bad side of Jane.  What makes this worse though, this person lives in Illinoises…!  Like I am going to run off to that arm pit of a state to be with someone?  And be damned do I want her to come here and be with me.  She already came out here once, and well it wasn’t what I thought it was going to be.  And one thing I picked up from all those classes I was going to, is that if someone criticizes you over and over, than that is not something that needs to be in a relationship.  I picked that up very quickly with Laurie.  That is the one that has Jane all BENT now.  So Laurie is not the nicest person in the world, but I can stand talking with her.  We have been talking for 4 years that I know of.  I told Jane 5, and I think I am right on that….but it doesn’t matter.  Laurie did come out here for a visit….this was shortly after I got back from that 8 month deployment on the Fitzgerald.  It was for only a week-end, and in a way it was more pain that it was worth.  The plain got in late, and it just got worse from there.  We did have an alright time though…even if she didn’t want to leave me.  I was more than ready to have her go, because I just didn’t want what she wanted with me.  It took me a long time to get her to understand where I was coming from in why I didn’t want a relationship with her.  I know she would have packed up and moved out here in a flash…her and her son would have been here, and all I needed to do was ask.  But that is not what I wanted.  Hell most of the time I don’t know what I want, I just do what I need to do, and I seem to make the best of what I do after that.  So when I tell Jane about Laurie, holy crap talk about problems…!  The hole “why is she texting you so much, and why is she calling so much….?”  This is our time, not her time, she needs to learn that we are in a relationship, and respect that fact….  Well there was no talking her out of that one, even if I kept telling her that I am not at all inter-rested in Laurie.  “Well Laurie sure is inter-rested in you, and would be here in a heart beat if it wasn’t for me….”  Ah No Jane, she is not here because I don’t want her here….she is not what I need in my life either.  So how can you explain that to a lady…?  This is a person that has been beat from past husbands, raped, and even stabbed a few times.  Things have not been so swell for her, but how can she not see that when I am with someone, that is what I am….I am not going to go off to someone that I do not want, and this person knows that I do not want a relationship other than friends with them.  So the hole talk we had today was about a text that came in last night at 7:00 pm….I had gotten a text from Laurie at like 11 am, and I wrote her back.  Jane does know that I still talk to Laurie…we did get that settled.  So Laurie and I are sending back and forth….like 4 a piece…no big deal.  The one tha

t came in at 7 though, I did not check it since I was in the car and driving.  Jane heard the tone on my cell phone, and knew I had a text come in.  I don’t know if she knew that I did not check it, but that doesn’t matter….so Jane and I get done with what we were doing, and we get home.  She goes off the to the bedroom and bathroom, I sit down and check my e-mail and then check the text message.  It was Laurie getting back to me.  I did not write back, but Jane asks me “who you chatting with….?”  I said “no one” since I wasn’t….all I did was check my messages.  Well she gets BENT again, because she knows that it was Laurie that sent me the text.  Well she guesses, but she was right.  I could have bluffed, and said someone else when asked who wrote me, but that would have been no good.  Jane would have wanted to know why I didn’t write them back if it wasn’t Laurie.  Would she have checked my phone after I feel asleep, I have no idea, and I don’t care….I have nothing to hide when it comes to the people I talk with.  I am dating Jane, but I talk to so many other people.  Look at how many people I talk with just because of my diary.  You read who I am, what I am, and why I am here.  I hide nothing….I have no reasons to hide things.  I can be scriptive in my replies to answers, or how I ask you something….but that is just a way I am.  Good or bad, it’s the way I am….

So all day I was talking with Jane about Laurie and how we are going to deal with this.  I asked Jane “What would you want done about this….?”  And all she was able to tell me is that the way it is, is the way it is….it’s not going to change, so why bother?  Well those are not her words all the way, but she has said things like that before to me.  So do I give up talking to Laurie to just make Jane feel better…?  I know that if keep talking to Laurie Jane is not going to be any better with the way she deals with it.  I don’t ask her who she is talking to…but I never did that with that “ex” either.  She, well we need not go there now.  I am just so “What The Fuck…!” right now about all this.  Laurie would get all bent should I tell her that we need to stop talking, and Jane gets bent when I talk to her.  Yet, I can talk to other females that are here in San Diego, and Jane has even told me that I need to go hang out, and if it is with Tate, then all the better….so why is she so hard up over Laurie….?  She is not a problem to Jane or I….

Okay…I’m done.  For now.  Laters…!