A year…?
Was it really a year since I last wrote in here…? I really do not know… I know I can check, but it’s all good. I have duty today, it is Saturday, and well…now I am just able to kick back and see what goes on for the rest of the day. The one thing though…I am suppose to be going into treatment come the 22nd of this month. I am in no way ready to go, nor do I want to go… I wrote the person that put the e-mail out and asked to go in on the 29th. I have picked up a nice drinking problem. I meet the requirements of being depenant on the substance of alchol…but of course the wife does not understand how that can be, and not be an alcholic at the same time. I know I am not the latter…no way, no how. What I have been doing is self medicating because of this duty station. I am not happy where I am working, because the people that I have to work for do not know what the fuck is going on. When I am told what needs to be done, just let me go. I will make sure it is done, and it will be done faster, and better than anyone thinks possible. Do not stand there and micro manage me…because I am not going to do that to the guys that work for me. I know who I can tell to do what, and that when I tell that person to do it…it will be done very nicely. I give the guys that work for me the trust that is needed to get the job done. I do not want someone to sit there and watch me, or question what I do…and I will not do that the people that work for me. Give someone a job, and let them do it. It is best to let them learn how to do it, and go from there. If it is not correct, then fix the problem, but do not punish them. Help them, and show them what is wrong…but let them do the job…! Sitting there and nit picking at someone is not going to do any good, because that person is just going to "shut down" when it comes to do something for you. I do not want my guys to shut down, nor do I want them to feel they are being watched over. Anyway…I have been drinking at work…and well, it is not that I have put anyone into harms way by doing that, it is not good that I started doing that. I started drinking at work, because I am just tired of trying to deal with the stupid ass shit that comes from the person I have to answer too. People have asked me if it was the home life that started me drinking at work, and no…it was not that. It is all about this place, because I am just to old school for those above me. Well only one of the people that I have to "work" for. Since I got my E-6 back…I have been able to just be me again…and this command does not "like who I am" now that I am an E-6. I do not think anyone thought I would get E-6 back while on this command. And since I got it back, things have only seemed to get worse for me. I know I should not have been drinking at work, and I could have told the theropist that I am seeing that I am drinking at work. It could have been taken care of in a different manner, but damnit…I needed something. I still do not know if I know what I need. Will treatment help me…? I have no idea. I know I do not want to go in for 30 freaking days…! I would have done the 21 day treatment, but since I asked 6 months ago to go into some sort of treatment program, it was "best" that I go in for 30 days. I am suppose to start on the 22 of September, and be done on the 17th of October. I am going to miss the party for the grand babies birthdays… I am going to leave my duty section a man short for a month. I guess in a way I have become to much "about the command" than about Rick. Not sure when that happened, but I can see how that can happen. I am more worried about taking care of those that I am charge of, than myself. And with all the stress that is going on at home, it is easy to see why I have done what I have done. I had no way to get away from any stress, so I found something that does not care…it does listen to me, and I can enjoy it. I like my rum, and my rum likes me. That is where the problem lies.
I have to collect my mind…so let me go, and I will be back.