20 october 2003 part 2

That damn mother in law is evil…and well some day she will get hers.  I don’t know how it will come about, but she will.  Who would go as far as putting things in those kids mind…?  We can go back as far as the first time CPS was in my life…that case worker saw how well I did with those kids…she was there enough to know what I did for them.  And even when all three kids were there and we were talking, I never stopped being the daddy for them.  I bent so many rules when it came to my job for those kids.  I was on a phone in muster for over 4 months…!  It was for my kids that I did that.  Do you know what it is like to not leave the house for two weeks because for one, you don’t have a car, and for two, your just to tired to go anywhere…?  Me and the kids would play in the house, or in the back yard, but for a period of two weeks, we didn’t leave that house.  And we did that many times.  I would take all three kids shopping for food…and when you have three kids under the age of three in a grocery store…oh my god the amount of things they can get into is just to much…!  Of course I would always break down and get Brooke whatever she asked for too…then there was Ricky, he would want something, and well Abigail, she was to young to ask, but she had a blast no matter what.  She was with her daddy, so of course she had a good time.  Me and the kids always had good times together…that is why this is just so hard to deal with.  After all I have done…all I have been threw, and all I did for those kids…I am the bad parent.  You have no idea what it is like to know that people think I have molested my children.  No idea at all…so unless you have had those words told to you, please don’t try to tell me, “You know what I am going threw.”  Because you don’t…and I pray that you never have to go threw something like this.  Divorce is bad enough, but to add onto of this all that is going on with the kids now…gee, no wonder why I keep having reoccurring periods of depression.  The thing I am going to do when I get back to San Diego though…well I will rent a car on the day we pull in.  Go to the bank and get a nice sum of money…go to the liquor store (package store on base really…cheaper there) and get me some things to drink for the night.  I am not sure what hotel I will get, but I will get one for a few days, and I plan on getting SHIT FACED in my hotel room for a couple days…!  Well maybe not but hey I can dream can’t I…?  Since we are pulling in on the week-end there isn’t anything I can do until Monday.  I could call the case worker and give her my cell phone number…that is (619) 846-1240 by the way.  I will have it turned back on in Hawaii…!  YEAH for me.  So when we are sitting outside San Diego harbor on the night before we pull in, I can be calling people and saying…”Hey…what’s up…?!!!!”  Come on, you remember those Bud commences don’t you…?  Got the tongue all stuck out there and drawing out that what’s upppppppppp!  Anyway…still in a foul mood…but I’ll write more soon.

More to come later…CHOW