Unexpected emotions.

So I get to work today and start my day as I normally do — making a cup of tea while checking my email. I logged into facebook for a few extra minutes of my brain being shut off before I started working on my presentation for tomorrow. Guess who I have an message from? Brian. Yes, Brian who ripped my heart out, spit on it, and walked away. Brian who I was basically engaged to. Brian with the baby. Brian, the reason why I have such a hard time letting my guard down. It’s been… 5 years? (Holy shit, it’s been 5 years. 5 years this month.)

Now I had a feeling I would be getting some form of communication from him after I heard that him and his most recent girlfriend broke up. I’m not really sure why, but it seemed like I should expect something. It isn’t like communication between us has been entirely mute over the years, we still have a similar circle of friends and have been friendly to one another. I wasn’t expecting an apology letter. Not one implying all the emotions I’m sure he’s feeling. And I sure as fuck wasn’t expecting the have all these emotions dredged up in my mind. The hurt, the anger, while not as fresh as when it first happened, boiled right up to the surface. I thought I was past this shit. So now I’m sitting in my office, listening to the Beatles, wondering whether or not to message him back.

I should probably focus on my presentation, but fuck.