Time for a little ranty-rant.

This rant is entirely work related. And if you don’t enjoy cursing, well you probably can skip down to the bottom.

So we decided that we need our confocal microscope running oh about… November of last year. Maybe December. So almost a year ago. We went about steps of ordering a new camera and all that jazz, which took a ridiculous amount of time because someone literally stole our order and we had to re-order. So, finally, we have a camera, as of about… June? July? So then we wait around for the guy to come and install it. Then we find out that although we bought the right computer, our monitor is old as fuck and we need a new one. So we order it. (It is now about a month later) Guy comes (as in: he comes about 12 hours after he says he will) and figures out that oh LOOK AT THAT shit isn’t communicating. We have about 2 or 3 more frustrating visits that determine the same thing: the confocal is somehow not communicating properly with the software. Annoying, but they do try really hard to fix it. So the last visit, the fucktard fucked with the fucking CAMERA on the part of the microscope that WORKED PROPERLY. Initially my fears were downplayed, "Oh, I’m sure it’s fine." And then we thought it was fine because I went and messed around and figured out the camera was off. So then the error message that would pop-up went away when I would open the software to analyze images. So we thought it was fixed. Well now that I’m trying to actually use the thing, I find it is totally fucked. He must have uninstalled the driver or moved something because it doesn’t fucking work. So now I’m in the middle of 2 experiments that I’m not supposed to be doing ANYWAY (see: I’m mentoring a fucking student so therefore their work is now my work because they aren’t allowed to touch shit), and have no way of imaging them. Is it really all that big of a deal? No. But I had other shit I could have been doing than what I was doing today if I knew the damn microscope was down. Assholes.

Another sore point: So at the beginning of this semester my mentor told me I was on strict instructions to do minimal lab work and focus on my classes. As in, don’t start any new projects just finish what you have. This made me sad because I thoroughly enjoy being in lab. Let’s fast forward to now: I’m starting a new project with a student because he needs to bolster his resume to get into grad school, I’m juggling classes (one of which just started this week that we agreed I wouldn’t take, but she changed her mind), and I’m attempting to maintain some semblance of a life. Although together this all sucks, I’d normally just deal with it and move on. But now there is a second graduate student in the lab. Guess who is never at work, not responsible for coming to lab mettings, and has nothing to do with the resume booster student? The other grad student. I specifically heard her tell him he didn’t have to come to lab meetings so he could concentrate on classes. I was fine with this (seeing as this particular person needs to get a 4.0 to stay here) up until I started this 3rd class. He was taking 3 classes (and not attending the one I have with him), 2 of which were 1/2 semester classes that ended when my 3rd class started. So now he is taking 1 class. Still not coming to lab meetings. And still not coming to work. What. the. fuck. Irritated? Yes. Although I comfort myself with the idea that maybe she just thinks I’m kickass and can deal with all this at one time. But I highly doubt that. 

So other than working the majority of the time I’m awake, things are great. 

A pleasant surprise for the month: My brother is getting married! As in… Next week. Although it’s all happening really fast, it’s really exciting. And I’m so excited to have an excuse to go home before Thanksgiving because I’ve been feeling a little homesick lately. They’re having a cute little ceremony in the city and then heading back to Jersey for a small reception. I’m so happy it wound up falling on my fall break so I didn’t have to miss class and I get to be present for such an awesome occasion. For once I get to fly home, which is a nice treat. I won’t be missing my solitary 10+ hour drive. Plus, I get to see my sister’s house renovation progress and my parents’ renovations all in one trip (and I don’t have to drive between the two! I’ll just have to sit in a car and enjoy the scenary. Joy.)

I went to my yearly check up with a new physician and explained my woman’s health-saga that has been my life. I also explained the issues I’ve been having with mood stability issues lately and wondered about changing pills (yet again) or if she thought they were just due to the stresses in my life. She actually came up with a new solution. I’ve been put on an anti-depressant half of the month. She identified that my mood issues really only come into play during a specific phase of my cycle, and this treatment has actually been really successful with women with this particular issue (please see: clinical pms). Since I’m still relatively functional in life and it’s really just interpersonal relationships that suffer, I’m just on a low dose.

And now onto my own self-analyzing as to why this works. It’s well known that it usually takes 4-6 weeks to feel the effects of antidepressants. So how would this treatment work for someone who’s only taking it for 2 weeks? Well, the drug actually effects chemical imbalances immediately and it is relatively unknown as to why it takes so long for a person to feel the effects (could be some kind of genetic, long lasting change that needs to happen or who knows). So the fact that it’s hormone levels acutely affecting the chemical imbalance, of course a drug that would keep those neurotransmitter levels constant during that time period would help. At least, that’s my reasoning.

And it really worked this month. I didn’t have any episodes where I went apeshit over something stupid, I was able to actually function and be productive the entire month. I didn’t start some stupid fight with Greg over nothing and then feel awful about the way I handled it. We’ve actually been able to have real communication without me having some uncontrollable hissy fit. It was kind of phenomenol. Most importantly, I felt absolutely comfortable in my own skin the entire month. There have been times were I really don’t want to even be around myself, and I think this may have fixed that. Obviously, I guess the real test will be if it happens again next month. But I really hope so. It was nice to feel… Good for an extended period of time, regardless of what was happening around me. I felt like I could actually manage everything. I didn’t feel like I was drowning.

And well, I should probably eat something and go back to being productive. Sorry about the rant, but I feel better now.