Angry~ do not read if you feel you must judge

 
 
Kendra is being a rotten almost young adult and I’m so tired of her garbage. I truly do not like her and even my love for her as a mother is quickly evaporating. For 30 years I’ve been trying to teach my kids morals, spirituality and kindness. I am loosing the battle with the older kids. Even though the ex is in prison for child porn, my kids still think he is honorable and righteous. They think that I had something to do with why their father went to prison, as if I could convince the prosecutor of anything. I just talked to Jasmine and she wants Kendra to come live with her in Fl. and even though I didn’t say anything that is a recipe for disaster but I told Jas that when Kendra turns 18 she is free to move wherever she wants, so by October 7th She should hopefully be on her way to Fl to finish out her senior year and stop making me life miserable. She makes everyone miserable, not just me. The boys complain about her all the time, how she spends money all the time, while we struggle to just keep a roof over our heads, clothes and shoes, as well as food in our stomachs. She never helps out with chores, heck she won’t even put her dirty dishes in the dishwasher. This is ridiculous, I feel like the last 30 years of my life has been wasted with the older ones. To make matters worse, we are in debt again from trying to support more mouths, I am hoping that once she is gone, we will be able to get our finances back on track but it is going to take a while. So all because my ex really is the psychopath that I said he was my life for the last 4 years has been absolute hell at times. When do I get to have some peace? Why must I pay for his crimes? I did nothing to deserve this and it hurts so much. I wonder if the pain ever really goes away? So far it hasn’t for me and let me tell you that it is horrible. I’m so surprised that my heart still beats at all. I am so hoping that my problems with the younger 4 are a bit less hurtful or at least not brainwashed against me like the older ones. Turning kids against their parent is a horrible thing to do to both the kids and the parent. Nothing I say makes any difference to her at all and she  seems to think that she can be as hateful as she wants to be and blame me for everything. I’m wondering if I should call my lawyer and get her sent to Renee for the next year this way I don’t have to deal with her. I hate my life right now, I try so hard to balance everyone’s needs but I guess I suck at that.