Wax My Lobes

I was shaving, and thanking the lord that my beard is blond, otherwise I would have to shave twice a day. It was early morning and I was a little bleary, and as I looked closely in the mirror, I noticed something strange on my right earlobe. I tried to brush it off, but it wouldn’t budge. I leaned forward and looked more closely, only to discover to my chagrin, that I had a one half inch long hair growing perpendicularly right out of my earlobe, like a blond flag sticking up from golf green. How could a half inch long hair grow out overnight?
I started thinking, ‘Do I have to shave my freakin’ EARS?’
Alas Dear Readers, I have no tweezers and could not pluck, so there was no other way, I squirted a little Gillette Foamy on my fingertip, applied it to my earlobe, and cut that sucker off.
Later, as I drove to the hospital I wondered if, just because I am a testosterone laden guy, I will become one of those old fellows I see daily, the ones who become bald from excess testosterone, and grow hair EVERYWHERE else but on their heads? I mean, I just had to shave my freaking ear! I had a flash of a future bald me combing my excess ear hair upwards to conceal a bald spot the size of Alaska, and had to laugh.
Then I had a weird thought; is it possible I didn’t notice that hair yesterday, and was walking around with it sticking out of my earlobe? Did people notice, laugh softly, and tell their friends? When I arrived at the hospital today, would people be checking me over to see if I still had that damn thing sticking out?
I decided to solve this problem once and for all, and went down to Physical Therapy. I had broken two fingers several years ago while playing football, and had to have the bones in one finger actually screwed together. As part of my rehab, I had to go to P.T. do some hand exercises with the therapist, and then soak my swollen hand in hot melted wax. I thought I could get some of this wax, and wax my offending lobe. The Chief Therapist, Cindy, was a friend of mine, and I knew she would give me some.
            “Why do you want it Rob?” she asked sweetly.
            “Well I uh.. I wanna wax off some unwanted hair.”  I was embarrassed to mention it was on my ear.
            “Oh Rob,” she giggled, “the wax we use is not for that. You need some specialty wax that has more adhesion.” She appraised me with a twinkle in her eye and said, “Gonna do some ‘manscaping’ huh?”
            “Manscaping?”
            “Yea, you know a ‘Boyzilian.’”
            “A what?”
            “A Boyzilian. You know women have a Brazilian wax right? Well some guys trim or wax down there to make things look um… bigger.”
I wanted to tell her that you don’t have to level the city to make a skyscraper look tall, or a mighty oak rising majestically from the forest doesn’t need someone to come along and cut down that forest to make that oak look impressive, or that Mount Everest still is mighty even if there are other peaks in the vicinity! Instead I just said softly, “Well some men don’t need that.”
Cindy gave me a wink and then asked, “Why the wax then?”
“I do, however, have this problem with my ear…..”