so where i am

right now i’m sitting here doing school work… of course you knew that..it’s all i ever do…

but i mentioned that i screwed up in an earlier entry, i think it was friends only but anyway i’ve lost my financial aid… failed anthropology from last semester (granted it was only by a few points but i  still failed) what sucks is that 1) i don’t even need the class now for the new major 2) i have to retake it to gain my financial aid back 3) i have to pay for this semester by myself and i don’t know how i’m going to do that.. 4) i haven’t broken the news to mom yet… kia knows.. but haven’t told her.. and yes i’m chicken about her yelling at me about money situations… but the main reason i didn’t tell her is the day after i found out, kia got his test results back… and the cancer is back… so i didn’t want to add financial issues to the whole her baby has cancer again … that would have put her over the edge..

so my solution right now is not telling her until kia sees the oncologist… and we know what he’s facing… not because i’m chickening out completly, but because i go tomorrow for cpr/first aid recertification and that puts me one step closer to working with jess… and i’ll be making $10/hour… and i won’t have to worry about yelling about money, just that she’s dissappointed in me (yadda yadda) … don’t really want to hear that either but i will.. and i’ll pass it this time… and get my aid back…and then it will be one happy day for us all…(depending on kia’s situation that is)

so i’m sitting here taking a small break from school stuff.. and of course last night dad started in on me doing the babysitting thing… he thinks i need to find a job in my field… and i’ve looked around here and in columbus (at least on monster.com) for jobs with an associates in business and guess what.. they want a bachlors degree… which i keep telling him… so then he moved on to the "so with this job can  you afford a place of your own" ..yeah i do believe i can, but 1) mom doesn’t want me to move, 2) they can’t afford for me to move right now 3) well there isn’t a 3 really.. i would like to move out eventually, but i’m not going to leave mom high & dry with bills and their mortgage … they will end up loosing the house this time… i don’t know what to tell him.. i mean seriously… he forgets that they asked me to move in…. and he thinks that they don’t need me here and i’m the reason they have marriage problems… (he’s the reason they have marriage problems… all he does is downgrade mom because she doesn’t want to be intimate with him, make rude comments about me living here, and he’s allowed his opinions but we aren’t)… mom is tire….. she works 40+ hours a week… she comes home does things around the house, not to mention the running for everyone here….kia to the docs, dad to the docs, chai to the docs…me everywhere i need to go, etc… she’s worn out… she wants to sleep when she goes to bed… he just doesn’t get it…

okay so that’s my rant/update for the moment.. i’ve got to get back to this school work.. just needed a short break… more later

<3 Cole