So my deck Alice….

Loves to tell me how it is. I imagine her as one of those no-nonsense matriarchs of our ancestors. So I did a read with her and lo and behold she throws out 10 cards 🤦‍♀️

 

#19 who in the world are you?

• getting to know the new you

•a fascination with getting to know yourself again. Growing into a new self, questioning who you have been told you are. Changing at a very deep level. The readiness to evolve and experiment to come to greater self-knowledge

 

……that is a loaded question. Last year I was transitioning from single mom life to thinking about what I want with the rest of my life after Mal graduated. Got with Tony, made life plans, starting with going back to school…. and now I’m transitioning again from being in a relationship that goals & plans were made around to being just me.

 

#20 Keep your temper

•don’t allow anger to rule you

•being pushed. Running out of patience. Feeling like the people about you are not cooperative. Evasive companions and bothersome circumstances. The need to keep your temper cool and in check. Remind yourself you will go far further when you harness your power and use it at the right time- which is, by the way, not right now!

 

……..this could refer to a lot. There is Tony…. there is the “new” guy… my parents who think I won’t leave once I’m finished with school….and my sister who doesn’t want me to leave because she missed out on 10 years because of her ex-husband. So basically keep my mouth shut when it comes to whatever frustrations they bring….

 

#22 Set your course (reversed)

•know where you wish to go. Have a plan. The right direction

•unable to set a course, drifting. Saying you are going with the flow, but allowing others to send you this way and that. Asking for guidance without knowing where it is you wish to go. Refusing to plan or prepare, and then feeling confused as to why you seem to be stuck or thrown this way and that

 

…..this is a little bit about what my family wants me to do, but it’s also about not knowing what I personally want beyond school. The plans for after school were all wrapped in Tony and our life. I haven’t sat down and faced this yet. Just started classes and said I’d figure out my next steps later.

 

#7 Investigate (reversed)

•Look closely. Ask questions. Think before acting

•rushing ahead without checking. Being reckless and even arrogantly thinking you know best. Refusing to learn from experience. Being overly trusting that this time it will be okay. Doing what you are told , without using your own wits and intelligence.

 

….pretty self explanatory lol… don’t be a fool and rush into things.

 

#21 The right way

•learning to create what you desire

•wanting to ‘get through’ to the other side of a situation. A desire to walk through a gateway or a life transition, to become an ‘insider’ rather than remaining on the periphery. Wanting to have an impact, to be included, to be a part of the activities and have an influence on the world. A willingness to learn, step by step.

 

……I do want to get through this, thought I had actually, but spirit keeps popping things in my path. Today it was a photo memory titled touchdown… clicked on it thinking of pics of my god sons, god daughter and my daughter at football games….which were some of the photos in the memory… but Tony’s son was too…

 

#39 Uncertainty

•Choose who you will become

•Good advice from an unexpected quarter. If you try, practice and are willing to make mistakes along the way, you will become far more powerful, and reach the place you are longing to be.

 

…..lol keep on keeping on and try to learn the lesson (smh thanks Alice 🙃)

 

#29 Find the lesson (reversed)

•discover the purpose in a situation. Trust that you are learning

•the reversal of this card amplifies the confusion you may be feeling. A challenging time that feels very unfair. There is a reason- it may be too hard to even begin to contemplate that there could be a higher purpose to this situation right now. Give yourself a little bit of space and be patient with yourself. Don’t struggle to find the reason. Just find a way to make it through what is happening.

 

…..yep some things seem unfair….but I am thankful for the things & people I do have in my life. And I am trying to make it through it with some grace and sanity lol

 

#5 Becoming Braver (reversed)

•Resilience. Experience. Growing stronger. Fresh perspective

•feeling there is no point to your trials. An inability to see you are courageous and learning all the time. Doubting you have the endurance to cope with the challenges being faced. Believing you are weak and unable to tackle the smallest of adversities. Feeling you will fall apart when troubled times come. Afraid of adventure, daunted by tests.

 

……..I fell apart and I’m afraid to fall apart like that again

 

#42 Mortality (reversed)

•life is brief. Bright. Beautiful and Yours to Live!

•the belief that this life has less value than other possible lives. Wasting time, procrastinating or stagnating. Waiting for a ‘heaven’ Believing life is more a curse than a blessing…. a burden you be carried. Refusing to believe in your own mortality. Denial of death’s presence within life. Living as though life is forever.

 

……I think Alice gave this to me because my grandfather passed away yesterday. I’m the odd ball of the family that sees death as part of life and I’m thankful he isn’t in pain anymore.

 

#11 Changed in the night

•sudden, unexpected change. A shock. Unexpected news. Adjusting to new situation. Finding out more about who you are. Inexperience and uncertainty.. An identity crisis due to changed circumstances.

 

…… quit your b*tching and keep moving forward? Lol

 

 

…….so Alice gave me a lot to think on….