Okay, okay….

So I kinda ended the update with my walls will be up, but I’m not completely that bad yet. About May of this year, I kept getting tarot/oracle reads that said “you will be meeting a new person, making a new beginning, soul connections” etc (obviously paraphrased lol)

Well I was talking with my friend Becca and was like…. so I spend most of my time at home with work, don’t do the bar scene or any social activity outside of attending events for my daughter, nieces & God kids….. how am I gonna meet this person….. so she suggested fb dating (yeah I know 🙄)

So met a guy…. we have similar goals, a path that we have already begun, and both have been upfront about everything being slow…. and that our goals, family & work/school are top priorities.

He makes me laugh…. but he is very “squirrel” ….and I get it. He’s in school for accounting too so I know that hisnwork load is just as bad as mine. He has wanted to meet 3 times, like been focused on the fact that meeting is something that must be done soon because if we don’t like hanging out together then why continue talking. And I get that lol but…. he has canceled all 3 times.

This last time it took him almost 3 weeks to message me because he didn’t cancel, he straight up ghosted me. But i also knew he had a lot on his plate. He had finals, his daughter was starting school and And after what happened with Tony I was like “whatever” and went on with my daily stuff. So then he apologized-ish …..was more of making excuses for why he did it. And of course I said I understood and that I was fine, not feeling anything about it … but then my cards freaking yelled at me 🤣 and told me to be truthful…. so this is what I wrote to him….

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Hey… hope you’re having a decent day….

So my cards have yelled at me today….called me out on a bunch of stuff. 🙄🤦‍♀️ and sleep was the usual mess of trying to get my brain to shut down

The biggest thing the cards were adamant on was me acting like it didn’t bother me. Rationally I knew you had a lot on your plate, so I can’t say I was surprised to not hear from you. I really wasn’t feeling let down.

But the more time that went by, the more my mind saw the correlation to what happened with Tony. It started out small, couple days of no contact, then I flew down the first time to reassure him that a relationship could work. Things would be good, then he’d start not talking again, this time a couple weeks went by.

Then he canceled coming up here because of work. So I said ‘hey I already have the time off I’ll fly down for the week” and things were good again for a few months. We planned me going there for Christmas  and then he went 2 months of not talking to me until he told me not to come. No explanation, no more conversation. I woke up one day to being blocked or unfriended on his social media.

I can handle being cancled on, life happens but the lack of communication is what will have my walls going back up. And I’m not meaning constant communication, but a ‘hey life is busy’ message would suffice. And if things are getting to be overwhelming it is okay to take a break from talking. I get that, but no explanation before silence does more damage than saying ‘I need some solitude’

At this point we can’t even define what this is, outside of getting to know each other. So stop putting pressure on yourself. We both said that our goals, family and lives are top priority. Music is a big part of your life. Don’t stop doing that because you feel like you’ve let me down because of it. Because in the end, if we are in a relationship, that will cause resentment.

Sorry for the long message…. but listening to the advice of the cards has gotten me through a lot and helped me grow personally. Basically be you… i’ll be me… but we’ve got to communicate better, which mean me saying what’s on my mind (yes that was the main lesson from today’s cards)
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So…. in response he just started talking about the music gig and class schedule so idk…. I think maybe the single life is definitely  my path for this journey