It has been a bit….

of up and down since 2018…. I mean covid hit and I’m sure we all have similar memories from then…

 

But 2019 was a reasonably decent year. I worked as usual with the daycare, and with my schedule being the 24/7 sort with little time off, Matt and I could never get our free time to match up. We planned a weekend to hang out but then he got sent out of town for work last minute. We talked a lot though so it wasn’t a total loss.

 

My sister and my younger 2 nieces moved in February that year. Her pos ex husband kicked them out and served her with divorce papers. It was a messy divorce. He even tried to get me in trouble for having too many kids. My schedule was air tight and I was in compliance with the state regulations. He didn’t realize that family over 6 doesn’t count in the ratio. He figured he’d get full custody if my sister didn’t have anyone to watch the girls. That completely back fired.

 

So by July things were getting almost to finalization. I bought concert tickets to inkcarceration for me & my sister and of course my best friend went as well. Ended up getting a “prison tattoo” that weekend lol. So the concert we went to is held at the mansfield state prison….the one that was used in the filming of shawshank redemption. Definitely recommend the tour if you’re ever in the area…. and depending on the lineup Inkcarceration is definitely a good concert weekend to spend money on.

 

After the concert closed out my friend and I went on to the second part of the vacation…and my sister went back home, because she had to work. Our second part had us in a cabin by a river in Michigan…. where we literally just decompressed. We didn’t go anywhere. We cooked, drank and binge-watched tv. Ended the trip by stopping off in Toledo at Tony Pacos…. amazing food btw.

 

After vacation, life went back to the normal chaos. Malachai was freshman. She made the cheersquad and did well academically. She was such a responsible teenager. Never lied, always told where she’d be and who with. And before you roll your eyes at that… she had me install the life 360 app which tracked her every move lol.

 

At this point she was no longer talking to her dad. He had surprised her and his family at Thanksgiving in 2018 with a new girlfriend. He really screwed that up. They had gotten so close talking and making the vacation plans that were supposed to happen in 2019. But again he met with someone and cut off all contact with me….because people can’t handle that parents can be adults and co-parent well.

 

But she was thriving and moved on with her life and plans. The beginningof 2020 was the end of her freshman year… and covid hit…. they canceled the prom….. even though she and her boyfriend were freshmen, they were both going to with and uperclassman couple and then swap partners up once they got to the dance. But she never got to wear that pretty ball gown dress.

 

Summer was pretty boring with not being able to really do anything and school was interesting for her sophomore year with all the quarantine and mask mandates…. they spent more time at home doing virtual school classes. It really wasn’t horrible. The daycare stayed open because everyone I watched, their parents were essential workers.

 

 

I had actually made plans to go on a trip to a music festival with Matt. Hotel, 3 day concert passes… definitely had shenigans on our minds. Well then all the staying at home happened and the concert was canceled… we planned getting together but everytime we did, something came up… one of his family members getting covid and everyone having to quarantine or one of my family members or the daycare kids. Just seemed like we were not supposed to get together. We talked a lot during that time period though. And then just kinda stopped.

 

2021 came around and not a whole lot happened. Junior year for Malachai and my parents moved out. They remodeled a trailer on the land my brother bought and left the house for me and my sister. I started limiting my work hours, went to more of Malachai’s events, football & basketball games she cheered for but at the same time she ended up pretty much moving in with her boyfriend and his parents. My nieces were still adjusting to the abrupt change in their lives and home was a bit too chaotic between that and the daycare. But she always came home, had dinner with us and hung out.

 

This year even though the school canceled prom again, the parents got together and put a “mom prom” on… Malachai was crowned Junior Prom Queen ….she was excited for that.

 

My sister and I went to Inkcarceration that year once it was announced that Ohio was letting up on the restrictions. We had to have the covid shot to attend but we did. Rob Zombie was awesome so was Motionless in White.

 

After that the next school year started and Malachai was a senior…. still a cheerleader and an excellent student. Football season was great, but bittersweet because it was her last season of cheering. Basketball season was the same. But she had a lot of fun and made a lot of memories.

 

About February of 2022 I had reconnected with a friend from school and he & I started dating long distance. We made it official in March that we were exclusive and relationship and started planning trips to see each other. Malachai was happy. She said it was about time, but that she was thankful I hadn’t done Iike some of her friends parents and had multiple relationships while she was growing up. I guess some of her friend had some pretty tough years.

 

So Tony made me happy. Enter in the crazy life plot twist…. Matt messaged me telling me he was back in town after being out of state for work for a couple years. Wanted to meet up. I told him about Tony and of course he was happy for me and then told me he had met someone but didn’t know if he wanted to pursue that or not. I told him to give her a chance. A little back story on Matt…. he got his heart crushed with his first serious relationship. She cheated on him and with one of his best friends….. so after that he was just about friends with benefits or random hookups. Which is why he and I were in sync together because I didn’t want a relationship while Malachai was growing up.

 

So anyway back to Tony…. he is my high-school best friend’s brother. I pretty much lived at their house… if I wasn’t at mine I was at theirs. So lots of history. His mom and sister were happy we had gotten together. He has some issues… that he was upfront about in the beginning. Military related ptsd, plus emotional baggage from his previous marriages. So when he started feeling down about the distance in June and thinking we should call it quits because he didn’t think we’d ever get time to see each other. His responsibilities to his kid, he couldn’t move to Ohio and my responsibilities to Malachai I couldn’t move to Tennessee. So I planned a weekend to fly down after Malachai’s graduation so we could actually talk in person. And things went amazingly. Had a wonderful time, and we had plans. He & his son were gonna come to Ohio in July and I’d fly in for Christmas.

 

July got derailed because he got fired from his job. But had another job immediately, but he couldn’t take time off. So I flew down there to spend the week since I had already scheduled the time off. We had an amazing time. I got to spend time with his son, who is amazing and super smart.

 

At the end of the week he asked me to stay. Didn’t want me to fly back. But I couldn’t stay. I had a business to get back to and my daughter needed me to be in state because of college.

Malachai by the was was accepted to all 15 colleges she applied to but thankfully chose the local university.

So when I was back in Ohio he and I started making plans. I would move down after Malachai filed for her senior year financial aid (2025) this way she wouldn’t be considered out of state because of my residency status.

 

Things were going great for a bit….and then he got into a mood I guess… cut off talking to his sister & mom (which they said was normal) but he continued calling me, even if we’d just sit there and watch a movie together. It only lasted about a week and then he seemed to feel better. Well at this point (I didn’t find this out until later) he was messagi g my best friend having her help pick out rings and getting my ring size. He planned on proposing at Christmas.

 

October hits and of course I’m enjoying the weather. We talked about him driving up for a weekend but his son had football and he didn’t want to miss any of it. I completely understood that. So still talking still planning my trip down for Christmas, bought the ticket and all that.

 

One night we were talking before he went to work and he asked if I wanted a couch for the apartment. And we got to talking about jobs when I move down. He told me he’d rather I don’t work but be a stay at home mom, which I didn’t mind but I like being busy. So we got to talking about remote jobs and I started researching thi gs I could do with my degree. I only have an associate degree so I’d have to go back to school for my bachelor… which was perfect because I had 2 years until I could move anyway.

So I message him at work (like we always did) and I tell him what I found out. And he said it sounded great.

 

The next morning he messaged and told me he had a bad night, was gonna go sleep and he’d message when he woke up. He messaged, but still wasn’t in a good mood…. and we texted a little but nothing like our usual. And after that he started texting less and less. This went on the restbof October and November. Get to December and I’m trying to get him to tell me what he’s going through but he won’t. He’d stopped speaking to his mom and sister again. His mom had flew in for Thanksgiving and was staying through Christmas so she’d be there when I was…. but he wouldn’t speak to her… sitting his apartment with no conversation for 2 weeks she ended up going to stay with his sister. During all of this I was trying to figure out if I was still flying in or not. He wouldn’t answer anything about the trip or the relationship outside of saying it had nothing to do with me.

 

Well a week before I was supposed to fly out, he told me to stay home, don’t come. So I canceled my ticket. I woke up on the 16th, the morning I was supposed to fly down, to him unfriending me on facebook and blocked me on snapchat. The end of the year was rough. His mom and sister didn’t know what was going on. He wouldn’t tell them anything. So I sent the Christmas gifts down to his sister and told her not to tell his son they were from me.

 

Even though he unfriended me on fb and blocked me on SC, he left me on tiktok…. and I would see things he reposted or posted himself and it just killed me. So I unfollowed him and removed him from my followers, thinking he just forgot….. woke up the next day to him following me again. So I followed him back and tried to talk to him. It was pretty much the same silence. So i told him how I felt, and wanted to know where I stood in his life if I still did. He just kept saying it wasn’t anything to do with me… wouldn’t tell me the relationship was over… just kept ignoring when I would ask. But he reposted a video about being done with women and relationships because they don’t appreciate what they’ve got… and I of course wanted to know what was going on and he said “how about I just like the video and reposted it, how about when I say it has nothing to do with you, you accept it” (paraphrasing) ….so I wrote a long message about me not being able to handle all this and he blocked me after reading it.

 

I still have no clue what happened. And he still hasn’t said anything about it to his sister and mom. They mention me he changes the subject.

So because of the plans I made with him…. I now find myself in the middle of my first semester. Doing really good too. Malachai is starting her sophomore year at college…. she’s pre med and kicking ass…. super proud of her. But she’s glad I’m back in school too. She said that I need time for me now and the daycare doesn’t allow for that so much.

Oh and about February/March of this year Matt messaged me…. noticed my relationship status change on fb….so I explained everything and even he’s like ‘wtf’ ….so he wanted to get together and at that point I just wasn’t emotionally stable for that, even for just fwb…. so about May he checked in to see how I was doing and of course the talk gets to shenigans… but he starts telling about the girl (woman) I told him to take a chance with. They’ve been dating off and on, but over Christmas it got to where his & her family are asking when they’re gonna get married and he freaked out. He’s afraid to commit because of what happened to him years ago. I told him I’d always be here for him, but it sounds like he truly cares for her and he needs to decide what he wants before he lets any shenigans destroy what they have. We check in with each other every few weeks. They’re doing good but he still hasn’t decided if he’s gonna ask her to marry him or not. But I will say shenigans have not been spoken of since I told him he needs to make a decision.

The plan is finish my degree, get hired in a remote bookkeeping or payroll position and travel. So 5 years in a nut shell…. the last year being the most emotionally damaging. I doubt I ever let my walls down again.