scream at me

I have so very much to say. It’s all swirling and vying for my attention, wanting to be brought to the surface. So many threads. The Three Fates are busy.

I’ve contemplated throwing my life away to a noble cause, something akin to assasinating the Pope or taking the life of George Bush. Something that humanity can benefit from. I’ve also started thinking a lot about drugs. A lot. I think it was brought on by my t3 fun times.

I just don’t care anymore. Does it sound stupid that 5/30/50 years seems the same to me? Die now, die later, you still die. And that’s done. Very few leave any sort of impact on future generations, so why not fast forward. Generally I would say that the point of life is to live, but hell, I can’t pretend to be a positive force on this damn planet. I am the disease. I am waste. I am the recyclable pop bottle in the garbage can.

I wish I was Stalin. Am I the only person in history class who sits there and sees the cold-calculated genius in fascism? Things get done. All I know is what we’re at now, this union-ruled joke of a society, is worse.

Well this is shitty. Horrible expression, horrible prose. I smell like smoke. The fire was interesting tonight. It melted pop cans.

…all that’s left is drinks and dancing in the rubble.

Do you ever wonder if this is real at all? Cause and effect? No I’m not getting Matrixy on you. I was driving today and began wanting to veer the car into oncoming traffic, just to make sure the expected result was indeed what would be achieved. Of course, I wouldn’t. Not yet anyways.

I have something I want so badly. But it is forbidden fruit. The untouchable. So many things are – why? Why can’t we live with reckless abandon. I don’t understand. We get 1 life. Why must it be so cautious and calculated? Musn’t offend anyone, musn’t ever be awkward. Oh no, cant have that.

Remembering

You running soft through the night

You were bigger and brighter and wider than snow

And screamed at the make-believe

Screamed at the sky

And you finally found all your courage

To let it all go

Because it’s all just make believe, folks.

I dont know if I should write here anymore.

Would you really like to be screamed at? I loved reading your entry. I agreed and related with most of it. If you’re really serious about assasinating George Bush, I’ll help you. It is a good cause, after all. Leave me a note and we shall organise a date.

bravo, That was very enlightening. holy, You should submit that to a poetry company, or write a book. t

roll the dice

April 12, 2004

why don’t you just live with reckless abandon then? there is no force field stoppin you. And no, you can’t stop writing because if you didn’t write then I’d have nothing to read and therefore no way to procrastinate-and that is a good cause. Helping Lindsey Procrastinate. Put it on your resume when you train to be a hit man.

ha, thank you for posting seeminlgy suicidal notes on my od dude. The point is, if you die now or 30 years from now, in those 30 years who the fvck cares if you make an indent on society? the fact is, you’ll meet people along the way you’ll affect and of course you’ll live long enough to see all the stuff you want to see because 17 years isn’t long enough for anything

and psst, probably not the best idea to listen to mopey mgb…because it only compounds everything by a million so that you’re depressed to infinity and beyond. Like buzz lightyear says…yeah whatever. you’re probably laughing because I’m the queen of mope and here I am trying to cheer you up. blah. sorry.

write what you want to, its your fvcking diary. I was driving today and began wanting to veer the car into oncoming traffic, just to make sure the expected result was indeed what would be achieve fight club anyone?

andrew, I’m with you on the whole destorying things and such. And Stalin is my God. wuh hoo -Laura

Not For Sale

when you take it all away… all the religion, the social constraints, the morals, the reasons. when you take it all away, the only reason to live is raw love of life

thedarkcanuck

Be careful when you assasinate George W. We wouldn’t want you getting killed by the secret service before you got a chance to do the insane moon stunt. I want to sit down and just have a huge think tank with some people. I’m just in the mood for some thinking. Maybe for the next essay a bunch of us could get together and think. Chris

everlong

April 13, 2004

its weird, i was thinking about that last night – the duration of life and such & i literally felt the minutes slip away. its depressing to think about life but its also invigorating. its funny what you felt about the traffic. one of those weird moments when you feel like youre dreaming or something. i think once we all get out of highschool and see more of the world, we’ll have a new perspective.

george bush is a doody head.