You’re my other half…
So. I’m not as emotional right now, so I figured I would write before I got the midnight depression kick in the face.
Last night when I was all sorts of just… Fucked up. I told John he didn’t need me. Or my shit. He told me not to ever say that because I mean more to him that I could ever know… He called me, and got me to smile when I was on the verge of breaking down. I love that about him. He can always get me to smile and laugh when everything is falling apart. He’s always been able to. He’s always been perfect. We didn’t get off of the phone until about one thirty in the morning, so that was nice. I love late night phone calls 🙂 Especially when it’s with him.
Today work wasn’t too terrible. A lot of the kids were getting on my nerves, so that was just a joy. Came real close to slappin the shit out of someone haha. But I refrained from any physical action being taken.
Came home from work and got some of my shit out of the garage finally and moved it up to my room. I just haven’t wanted to deal with all of the unpacking… Didn’t want to deal with the memories. But I did just fine. My room is looking pretty good, and I’ve gotten almost everything that I need to get out. I found my poetry binder, which I’m really happy about. There’s some things that I just couldn’t go through. Not now. Probably not for a long time.
Tori came over and hung out for a bit tonight. We just sat in my room and whatnot. Talked a bit. She didn’t stay long because she’s gotta make sure Noah has food in his system while momma is away haha.
Gino and I have come to an agreement. Finally. He said that he would let me close again to help if I’m still standing by him after watching over him while he’s shit faced and fucked up. I don’t really like the conditions and standards, seeing as I know what alcohol does to people with bad pasts… And drugs don’t make it any better… But I need to show him that no matter what happens or what I see or go through with him, I’m always going to be here for him. I’m never going to let anyone tell me I can’t be there for someone ever again. So, apparently all that I have to do is keep anyone near him from getting hurt, keep him from hurting and or killing himself, and keep him from fighting. Take care of him if he gets sick. Just be there for him. He told me not to get in the middle of it if a fight begins to break out, seeing as hitting a girl is against his morals, but I don’t think he would ever hit me. No matter how much liquor was fueling him. We’ll see though. I already told him if I get caught in the cross fire that I’m going to punch him in the mouth. He didn’t seem to argue with that. I’m just scared I’m not going to know what to do or how to handle it if anything DOES get ruthless. We’ll see.. I’ve handled worse. I’m sure I can handle this just fine… I hope so at least.
Well. I don’t really know what else there is to talk about. I’m extremely excited for my tattoo appointment this Friday. And I know Tori is too haha.
John told me I can stay with him this weekend. Even though he has work and shit… So I would kind of be left alone at his house with all of the new faces. I’m not sure what’s going on with that yet. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see what goes down. Besides, if anything I can just go adventure time around his house haha. He said there’s an old barn thing in his backyard area. Maybe I could go explore that.
I suppose that is all there is to be said right now.
<3CaseyRenee<3