Meh.

Guess it’s kinda been a little bit hm.

Friday night:
I was supposed to go to John’s, but mom was still upset about Brady, as we all are, so she started drinking when she got off work at one. Tori said she couldn’t take me because mom didn’t want her driving that far. At that point, I had lost it. So bad. I curled up in a ball on my bed, and I screamed. I fucking screamed as loud as I could. No one came to check on me thankfully. But I was a mess to say the least. Mascara and eyeliner running down my face. Lips quivering. Body shaking. Tori came over to make sure I was alright. We decided to go out that night. We went to Rockford to see an old friend from high school that we hadn’t seen since graduating. We didn’t end up coming home until three in the morning. I fell asleep around five.

Saturday:
I woke up at ten and my parents were still here. That meant my brother was still here. I’d woken up in time to say goodbye. I ran downstairs and out the door right as they were backing out of the driveway. Brett hopped out and wrapped up around me and said bye. I told him I loved him a lot. I could feel him shaking and he told me he loved me too. I wonder what’s going on in his head right now. He seems so stable all the time. So sure of himself. I really wonder how much of it is an act… Tori came over and hung out while I got ready and played music so loud on the stereo that my floor was shaking all the way upstairs in my room. It was great. We went out and whatnot. Went to the mall. I only spent 25 dollars, and that was for my perfume. So I’m proud of me. After that we hit the road for Rochelle. It was a good weekend. The second I saw him I fell in love all over again, like I do every time I see him. And I always feel so lucky to be able to call him mine. We pretty much just hung out around the house. Spent some time up in his room. Made love that night<3 Ended up having a complete meltdown that night though. Thinking about Brady. Started getting all meh and John was asking what was wrong and I wouldn’t tell him and he left the room so I thought he was mad at me and then I started crying and then of course when the crying was getting bad he came back in the room. He pulled me in really close and tight and told me he was there. That he wasn’t leaving. To let it all out. I couldn’t do it. I can’t do it… I can’t cry in front of him… I stopped after a bit. We went to bed late.

Sunday:
Woke up quite early. Woke up in a wonderful way as usual 🙂 We spent most of the morning lying in bed. Until John had to get up and get ready for work. After he left, I showered and got ready. Tee took me home.

Monday:
I didn’t fall asleep Sunday night until nearly three in the morning. So work was horrible. And I’m still working on the stupid stage, so I was just enthralled to be doing that… Plus Jess was pissing me the fuck off and I had nowhere near enough sleep to deal with her bullshit.

Today:
Sucked. As well. Didn’t fall asleep until two in the morning. Woke up in pain and feeling sick as fuck. My stomach has felt like it has a twisting knife in it all day, and I am fighting not to vomit as I type this up. Though I set up my next tattoo appointment. Sad to say Nikki is no longer there, but I entrust Andy to do it seeing as it is HIS shop. My mom, sister and I are all getting Brady’s paw print tattooed on us. Mom and I are getting ours over our heart, Megan is getting hers on her side. Brady and Ashes paw prints will both be there. I’m paying for it as a birthday present. The appointment is on the fifth of September, and I can’t wait.

I miss John. I don’t even want to be home right now. I want to be with him. I’m sick of not falling asleep with him…

Pretty sure Gino has just no desire to want anything to do with me since Leeanne came into his life. So that’s nice. He messaged me saying he ‘just thought he should say hi’…. Hurts being replaced by someone he’s known for a month..

I don’t even know. I’m just done…

<3CaseyRenee<3