Lookin for a better way.
Things are okay right now.
Tori is doing well, which is great. I didn’t know what to do when she got taken to the hospital and I couldn’t go with…
Saturday night after I got home I got drunk. That was nice haha.
Sunday I slept in until one. Felt damn good.
Sunday night I went to Gary’s house for a fire with him and Brittany. I haven’t spent time with her in forever, so it was awesome. We just sat outside by the fire talking, listening to Gary play his acoustic. Enjoying ourselves. Only problem with it was that Gary’s older brother is Joe… So he was there. But so was Kevin and Silkie and Lyndsey, so I guess it kinda worked out. He still disgusts me when he looks at me…
Came home around 1 in the morning. Didn’t fall asleep until 2.
Had nightmares last night since I saw Joe… Funny thing, my ribs hurt really bad today…
I miss John. My god do I miss John. I am going to be his wife one day. I swear to god. This weekend will hopefully be a good one… Hopefully I get to see him, and I’m really hoping he can come to the movies with us on Friday. Mom and I have had plans to go see The Conjuring for months. I can’t wait.
My birthday is this week. Doesn’t even feel like it will be! Thursday man. Kind of sucks that I have to work.
We’re not going out to John’s mom’s house this weekend. Dunno if I mentioned that. But he has work, so we can’t go, but hopefully I can stay with him anyway. I really hope I can. I miss his lips and smile and laugh and eyes and the whole entirety of him…
I don’t want to go to work today. At all…
Gino called me last night. It was nice to know that he’s okay. Granted he’s on the streets… I’m really worried about him… I bet he’d never believe me if I said that I haven’t gone a night at home without sleeping with his sweater… I miss my best friend… I just want him to come home… His sweater can’t hug me back, no matter how much it smells like him it’s just not the same.
The wedding was nice. Granted mom got all pissy with me at the reception. Once she had a few drinks in her though she was great. I swear, my parents were alcoholics at one point. Then again, it runs in the family…
I just want to be with John. I’m in a very… Blah kind of mood today…
<3CaseyRenee<3