I could be weak, I could be senseless…
It’s been a good weekend.
John isn’t going to jail as far as I know. That’s a huge plus.
Friday night we went out to dinner for my sister Megan’s birthday. It was alright. I mean, mom was being a super bitch to me before we left, and I couldn’t find anything to wear and I smelled ucky from being all sweaty at work when we went swimming so I was just all sorts of frustrated. Everyone looked all pretty and dressed up and I was just like ‘yea. I threw this on in a sad attempt at looking pretty.’ Dinner was good though.
Stayed home Friday night instead of going to John’s, which kind of sucked. But Saturday morning we went to see The Conjuring finally. It was fucking AMAZING! And going to see scary movies with my mom is always fucking hilarious. She squeeled at one part in the movie and it was hilarious. I went shopping with my mom and sisters. It was fun. I haven’t spent a good chunk of money on myself in a while. I got a new pretty tank top and combat boots and water bottles and books and a camo jacket and three new bras and a new pair of shorts. It was nice. I love my boots. They’re super cute, though I do kinda feel like a biker chick with them on haha. We went to Panera for lunch. Then we went home and let Brady out. Gave him his food and meds, then mom and Jessi took me to John’s house for the night.
The night was perfect. When I got there he and Tee were playing Zombies so I layed on the couch in the front room while the played. Honestly, it entertained me. I love zombies. I remember when me and Amber used to play that game with Donny and Brandon and FAILED so hard haha. It was so fun though. Tee was playing music hella loud and it was just great. We hung out for a while, and around nine ish the boys decided they wanted food, so we went to Wendy’s and I got to meet some of the people they work with. It was entertaining. John got me a frosty, and I wasn’t hungry, so Tee ate it haha. John and I went to bed and had sex. It was wonderful. I love feeling his body move with mine<3 Fell asleep and John woke me up early in the morning because he couldn’t sleep. I swear, I’m going to become a nympho with that boy… haha. John had work at eleven, so he got up and took a shower, then ate and Tee took him to work.
Hung out with Animal for a while and made muffins with her, and then Tee took me home. The ride home was alright. We had good conversation, but John wasn’t there so it kinda sucked. I don’t like leaving before he gets off work, but Tee had work four to eleven tonight, so he took me home before he went.
Got home and got pretty. Mom and I were talking and she looked at me and asked "Is John scared of me or something Casey? He just seems so scared or like he feels awkward when he talks to me. I don’t want him to be scared of me." I told her that’s how John is for a while. That he wants her to like him. Because he does. Then she made my whole day. "Well he is a very cute boy Casey. He’s just so cute. Even Jessi said he’s really cute. Good job daughter." That’s my mom’s way of saying she approves without actually saying it outright. I’m SO fucking happy that she likes John. You have no idea. She has approved of ONE other boy I’ve seen, and that changed really fast after she found out he was an alcoholic and he was turning me into one. So really he’s the first in YEARS that she likes. I’m so happy I could scream.
Tori and I are supposed to be going to the fair this evening. It’s the last day, and we need to get our last fair needs fulfilled. Plus, I miss her. Even if I just saw her a few days ago.
Gino and I haven’t really been talking a whole lot, and it kind of hurts. He has this new girl that he’s fallen for, and now it seems as though he doesn’t need me… It hurts. He hasn’t talked to me or anything since Tori and I saw him at the fair with her… I don’t know. I just figured since my best friend came home for ME that he would spend more time with me, but oh well. I just want what’s best for him. I just want him happy…
I’ve gained weight, and I’m not happy about it, so I’m going to go a few days without eating. I’ve eaten way too much in the past week or so, and I hate myself for it. My tummy is starting to poke out a bit and I feel disgusting. So we’re gonna make that stop quick. Actually made myself throw up the other day after the fair, because I ate so much fattening stuff… It’s the first time I’ve ever done it, so it’s not like it’s going to become a daily thing. So we’re fine.
I guess that’s all for now. Got another hour and a half or so before Tori and I go to the fair. I’m gonna try to do something productive with my life. Maybe read my book. Distract my mind. I miss John so much already…
<3CaseyRenee<3