All dogs go to heaven…

Last night’s entry was very… Vague.

Brady is gone. He had a tumor in his spleen that ruptured and he died while I was at work. I came home on my break with my mom and dad and before mom would let me in the house she stopped me and said "I have some sad news… Brady is gone.. He died…" We sat there in the driveway and she held me as we cried together. His collar was sitting on the kitchen table, and before I got the chance to, my mom grabbed it and held it to her heart and just cried. And shook. And lost it. She drank a lot last night… I miss him so much… I just want my puppy back…

John drank last night too. I’m guessing it’s because I hadn’t talked to him until almost ten last night. I turned my phone off. I didn’t want to talk to anyone… I feel horrible.

Today I feel sick. So fucking sick. I don’t even want to go to work today. I just want to go to John’s… I need to be in his arms…

I walked around for hours last night. Then I fell asleep when I got home. Woke up at ten. Fell back asleep at one. Woke up at four. Fell back asleep at five. Woke up at six. Fell back asleep until six thirty.

I’m just lying in bed… Praying this day goes by quickly. Hoping no one questions me. I’m sure everyone is going to talk about me today. I’m sure it started yesterday right after I blew up on my boss… She told me not to be like my mom, and I snapped. I screamed at her. "DON’T EVEN FREAKING TALK TO ME RIGHT NOW! YOU ARE THE LAST PERSON I WANT TO TALK TO!" Walked into the back room and lost it. I collapsed. Broke down completely. She pulled me into her office and told me I didn’t need to be there in my state of mind. That I should be home with my mom and dad.

That’s how things are right now. I don’t know what to do. Dad told me to just involve myself in my work and it will make things easier, but he’s wrong. He couldn’t be MORE wrong… Work gives me even more time to think, and my mind is the worst place for me to be right now…

I want my puppy back…

<3CaseyRenee<3