When your heart breaks for your child…

Caroline obsessively picks her scabs.

Tonight she picked herself bloody and as I was consoling her to try and persuade her not to do that to herself she looked up at me and said very matter-of-factly, “Mommy, I don’t know how to be a nice kid.” At first I didn’t think she had said what I heard and she repeated, “Mommy, I don’t know how to be a nice kid.”

She is such a great kid but I feel like something is going on and I just need to figure out what it might be to unlock the ways to help her cope.

I don’t have a favorite daughter but I have a hell of a lot more concern for how we can help Caroline navigate life. Caitlin is resilient, though I make for sure to always be there for her, too. Caroline tries so hard but it seems like she has a bag of tools that should be full of tools to help her navigate life but inside it’s tools for fixing everything other than navigating life. She tries and tries to use those tools to get the outcomes she knows are necessary but her. She knows that 2 + 2 = 4 but she’s trying 2 + 1 and isn’t obviously getting 4 but she just can’t quite get to 2. I don’t know if I just explained that how I see it. She’s trying so hard and she’ll have a good day here and there but you can tell she struggles and knows something isn’t right.

She’s five and feels like she’s failing life.

How can I even improve that? What did I do that allowed her to feel that way?

My heart breaks for my baby girl!

Log in to write a note
February 10, 2018

I have a graduate degree in mathematics, and I struggled every single step of the way. I was always the slowest to catch on despite also trying the hardest. When something finally clicked, I was usually embarrassed because the thing I hadn’t been able to get for three weeks straight, despite daily meetings with my TA, was really obvious. Really. Obvious.

I’m a math professor and living proof that anyone can learn to be “good at math.” No one has ever been born understanding even basic arithmetic, and it’s not a race. As long as she doesn’t quit, she’ll wind up in the same place, and that’s what counts.

The scan picking, though…also me too, and I think I need therapy. Maybe look into that, just in case it becomes a disfiguring habit?

February 10, 2018

I’ve had similar issues around my daughter. She is brilliant, kind, beautiful. But never fit in. Never learned to go with the flow. Never took instructions. Now she’s a mother and a teacher but STILL has trouble doing what they want her to do at work. It is heartbreaking and I wish I had advice for you.

February 11, 2018

🙁 you talk about a toolbox, and it makes me think of recovery. From that angle, I know that regardless how many tools I have to cope, very often I react before using them. I have to be reminded. One of my big ones is to shift focus by counting. Like, 5 things I can see, 4 things I can touch, 3 things I can hear, etc. It gets me away from the negative thoughts and reactions. ❤️