Drunk Dialing

I think this is third or fourth diary on this site.
The "other’s" told a tale of heart ache.
A tale of not belonging and sadness.
Although I can not say this one will not be sad, I can say that this one will be the truth.

Oct. 20th was the birthday of my first child.
Well, not so much the actual birthdate but more the projected date of birth.
As circumstances in this city will allow, I never gave birth.
My love.. as he will be known.. didn’t think it would be a good idea for us to start a family.
So on April 17, 2007 I did the unspeakable.

I drink.
To forget..
To ease the pain..
To go on living.

I’m down to the last glass of my last bottle of wine.
[See I’m old enough to drink wine now]
At 25 I was a social drinker
At 26 I’d have a glass [or two] before bed.
At 27 I was the party girl.. anywhere the booze was flowing, baby
and now in my 28th year, I am a drunk
By day I am a very well respected Area Trainer for a company that may or may not be in the midst of financial ruin.
But I don’t want to talk about that now.

I want to talk about my high.
I want to tell you how great it is to be drunk today.. tonight

I can’t count on my love to be here for me at given moment.
He has another family to take care of.
But my bottle of merlot has been here for me everyday, everynight for the last nine months.
Instead of gestating.. I have been drinking.

And instead of making a fatal drunk dial..
I will write right here.