NOJOMO 16 – Compromised

Last night Dan was in an unprecedented strop, mainly to do with his worries about the business and completely took it out on me. I did everything I could to be reasonable, including asking him to talk to me about what had happened yesterday and telling him I knew he was really upset about the business and was stressed and under a lot of pressure and that I thought it was best if he had any issues with me to keep them separate and we’d talk about it later when he’d calmed down about the other things he was upset about. He wouldn’t leave me alone, he was hounding and nit-picking about nothing in particular, you couldn’t even argue because it was mostly tone of voice, so I returned to default position when I’m under attack, which is to retreat and keep quiet and kind of fold in on myself until the person in question calms down, so not to incriminate myself or make things worse. This angered Dan, who then accused me of not talking to him.  

Dan is not very good at controlling his own emotions. If something is wrong with him, he generally takes it out on me. 

He threw a tantrum about having to prepare something for Cassie for her tea. I stood there giving him suggestions but he was losing it at me, telling me I should have been doing it, when Thursday night is the one night of the week he knows he has to fend for himself. He can cook, I tell him what to cook, I plan in easy meals – it’s not too much to ask one night of the week. He shouted at me. 

I went off to Fat Club, telling him that I wanted him to think about the way he’d been speaking to me since he got in and whether it was appropriate. He shouted as I went out the door not to expect an apology because there was nothing wrong with the way he treated me. 

I went into Fat Club to get weighed, I’d put on a pound which isn’t as bad as I was expecting seeing as I having been on plan and have been on an eating rampage for 2 weeks. Went to sit down for the motivational talk and I checked my phone. Before getting weighed, I’d sent Dan a text saying "I love you even when you are grumpy. Remember that". 

He sent one back saying "I have done something underhanded and sneaky. We need to talk about it and what I’ve found". 

I knew exactly what he’d done and stormed out of fat club. He’d read my diary. 

Here I feel the need to interrupt and discuss our attitudes on privacy. I’m naturally quite a private person but in this relationship I’ve made a big show about being open. Dan knows the passwords to my email address and Facebook and he’s logged in from time to time to print off cinema bookings etc. I often don’t log out of my accounts on my laptop. He’s my husband and I have nothing to hide. We also share a bank account, so he knows everything I spend and vice versa. The only things that are private is my Next shopping account (which I tell him anyway) and Open Diary. The reason we are so open is the implied trust that the other person is only going to go into your personal stuff for a reasonable purpose, not go snooping or taking advantage of that trust. And Dan knows that under no circumstances is he to go looking at my diary unless invited to do so. I have impressed upon him time and time again that it is my private safe place to go and organise my thoughts. I’ve told him that there is nothing strange or startling in here, just an outpouring of thoughts that I then reorganise and talk to him about anyway, interspersed with mundane accounts of what I’ve been doing every day which he knows anyway. I have told him that I need this because sometimes my thoughts are best taken out of my head and put somewhere else so I can act calm and rational. I have told him that in a world where I am constantly having to be in the company of someone else I need the virtual "space" because I’m not getting the physical space. 

I hate to say this about my husband but some of his flaws are quite big ones. For one – he is sneaky and underhanded and getting more so as he gets older. Over the course of our relationship I’ve noticed the shift from unconscious manipulation of other people to consciously doing it. He likes the feeling of having something over another person and them not knowing about it. His second big flaw is that he has become a massive control freak. Not over innocent things like cleanliness and tidiness, over the people he cares about. When I first got with him, a lot of it was down to insecurity, girls had screwed him over in the past (he perceives badly, but it the great scheme of things not really) but over the years it has become a habit. He needs to feel that he knows everything about me and he needs to know exactly where I am at all times and the minute I display any independence or wanting to do things on my own, he tends to flap about. Quite frankly, I pander to it a bit too much but I do find it annoying. Sometimes it borders on the unhealthy. For example, the other week I had gone in to do my volunteer work at the Hospice and posted a status on Facebook. Facebook had got my location wrong and put that it was posted from another location in the same town – one of the walks on the castle grounds, out in the fields about a mile away from where I actually was. When I contacted Dan after I’d finished work, I got a real grilling about the minute movements of my day, down to every shop I’d visited on my way to work, what I’d been doing at work, had I detoured anywhere after work on my way to the bus station? It was like he was trying to catch me out. He only packed it in when I said "Look, do you want the telephone of the hospice so they can confirm what time I signed in and out and what I was doing all day?" 

I’m only explaining this to say that I am incredibly angry at him but I’m not surprised. 

When we met up, he apologised for going into my diary but it was the apology of an unrepentant child, he was less concerned by what he’d done wrong and more about what he found there. I sincerely doubt that had he not been upset by what he found, I wouldn’t have found out he’d logged into my diary and he would have continued to do it. But Dan’s desire to be in the right and explain every single foible he has at great length prevailed. He obviously didn’t like that he’d been painted in such an unflattering light and he was upset that I’d taken everything he’d said to heart. The entry he’d read was the "Meep" one. We drove to a neutral place (he’d dropped Cassie off at his mums to have a bath) and he actually wanted to analyse every sentence, every word I’d used, was it intentional? What exactly did I mean?  Never has my writing been under such scrutiny. I did not appreciate it, being under the magnifying glass and in the end, when he was nitpicking over the choice of a word I told him I’m not psycho-analysing myself – what I write in my diary is what you get, it’s plain enough, everyone else seems to understand what I’m saying, it’s already quite lengthy so what more does he really want me to say? 

<p style="text-align:center; “>Yes this is how I feel. 

He actually argued that he hadn’t said some of the things I’d written. I counter-argued, repeating back word for word what he’d said. I have the memory of an elephant and Dan doesn’t have much of a memory at all. He then conceded and said he didn’t really mean what he said, well not some of it anyway. I said, "well if you say these things you can’t then blame me for taking them to heart. It’s not like what you say is ambiguous, things like "I never want to leave Northumberland again" and "I don’t see the point in foreign holidays" are statements you do take at face value". 

One thing that finally seemed to hammer home for him was my paragraph about him and his family othering me, of all things. He finally got it. He said that was what made him decide to confess, because it was so dreadfully sad and he had no clue that I felt like that. That even made me angry because how many arguments have I discussed in here about exactly that? I even told him that was one of the things that was making me feel suicidal that time I went for therapy. I told him that he is so fixated on his mother and defending every little thing she does that he dismisses everything I say as an attack on his mother, even when I haven’t even mentioned her or even blamed anyone. He said he realised that now, but that I communicate myself better in writing, that I’m good at letting people see through my eyes in my writing and that he can see that all that I was saying in that paragraph was true, he could finally understand in that one incident why I feel the way I do and it made him really sad that he had just not listened to me. 

But then he said that I don’t talk enough. I said "Dan, I talk plenty. Everything I’ve written here I’ve actually talked to you first on many an occasion. The issue isn’t that I’ve forgotten how to communicate, it’s that you have forgotten how to listen to me". He then admitted that he knows I try to talk to him but it’s not at a time convenient for him, so he "switches off". 

And then he started on his diatribe of being so depressed, like he always does. I’m sure he does feel very sorry for himself after we’ve had an arguement but maybe this makes me a horrible person, but I get very angry that our arguments always conclude with him being more concerned with how bad he feels and how miserable he is, rather than validating my feelings or making sure I’m okay. It’s not normal, he’s like a small child who does something wrong, gets shouted at and then needs to be comforted, but the only thing they take from that is that they’ve been cleansed by confessing, not the remorse for how they’ve treated the other person. 

I interrupted him and told him that I was still very angry, I think he should talk to somebody else about it, we’ve been over this before. If he truly thinks he’s depressed (which he only thinks after somebody has shouted at him) then he needs to help himself and go to a doctor. 

And I then told him exactly how angry I was at him. 

I don’t think he fully fathoms just how angry I am. 

Before I met up with him, I was going over in my head just how I would walk out on him. Of course marriages aren’t ended on an invasion of privacy. 

But what he has done has shaken my core belief in our relationship. Big time. It might seem like an over-reaction but this is how I feel. He admitted to me that his sole purpose for reading my diary was because he "wanted to get back at me". Later on he changed his tune and said he "wanted to know what I was thinking" but I think both statements are true. Knowing Dan’s personality, he did do it as an act of anger, one he admits now was not at all prompted by me. He admits I did absolutely nothing wrong last night, he was bullying me. He said I did everything right and he didn’t know why, he couldn’t leave me alone. So lets break this down – Dan looked at my diary as a deliberately malicious act that he knew would hurt me and he was going to keep that to himself. This wasn’t an act of desperation or connection, it was an act of malice. 

By doing this, he has disregarded my feelings, my boundaries and my authority and put himself and his own feelings first. He has shown that he does not respect me by mentally violating me and taking something of mine (my thoughts, my writing) that he did not have permission to take. He has crossed a line that shouldn’t have been crossed and has proven that he can’t be trusted. A marriage is supposed to be based on trust, respect and mutual understanding. I can no longer trust him, I do not respect him anymore because how can I respect someone who sets out to deliberately hurt and violate another person? And we clearly do not understand each other at all – because he obviously did not understand just how serious what he has done is for me and I do not understand why he felt the need to do it. 

So where does that leave our marriage? 

And I feel that my one safe place, the place that keeps me sane – has been compromised. I have written here for 13 years, this is the one place I can be truly myself and I feel like he’s just taken a great big dump all over it. 

I do not care what he read, he can read this for all I care (though if it is being read it just proves my point further), I have absolutely nothing to hide. My anger is not at all borne from being "found out" because everything I said I had already said before and I don’t think anything I think or feel was wrong to have been shared with close friends or put somewhere private. 

He kept hugging me and I’m sure in his simple heart he thinks he’ll be forgiven. But I won’t forget this and where will that leave us? I know some of you have snooped on boyfriends etc in the past and I’m not judging because every relationship is different, but it didn’t really work out, did it? And the difference is, Dan had no intention of trying to catch out a ratbag, he knew I had nothing really to hide, he just did it to hurt me. 

At the moment, he knows I’m angry, but I’m trying not to let this spoil our weekend with Cassie. Until I’ve calmed down and properly thought about this, I need everything to stay the same. But it’s really got me thinking and sometimes thinking isn’t a good thing when it concerns the future of your marriage. 

Log in to write a note
November 16, 2012

Like I said last night – it might make him change the way he thinks and acts, so it could be a positive thing in that respect. It’s NOT a positive thing though. He broke your trust, disrespected you and is continuing to be insensitive to your feelings and your needs. I know that you know this and you don’t need me to tell you, but at a time like this you’re bound to be shaken and to naturally doubt yourself just a little in the interest of considering his feelings too. Don’t darling. I know you and I know him and you are always fair in what you say. Deep down he knows this too. I’m here if you want to talk ok? Lee Mee xXx

November 16, 2012

Like I said last night – it might make him change the way he thinks and acts, so it could be a positive thing in that respect. It’s NOT a positive thing though. He broke your trust, disrespected you and is continuing to be insensitive to your feelings and your needs. I know that you know this and you don’t need me to tell you, but at a time like this you’re bound to be shaken and to naturally doubt yourself just a little in the interest of considering his feelings too. Don’t darling. I know you and I know him and you are always fair in what you say. Deep down he knows this too. I’m here if you want to talk ok? Lee Mee xXx

November 16, 2012

Like I said last night – it might make him change the way he thinks and acts, so it could be a positive thing in that respect. It’s NOT a positive thing though. He broke your trust, disrespected you and is continuing to be insensitive to your feelings and your needs. I know that you know this and you don’t need me to tell you, but at a time like this you’re bound to be shaken and to naturally doubt yourself just a little in the interest of considering his feelings too. Don’t darling. I know you and I know him and you are always fair in what you say. Deep down he knows this too. I’m here if you want to talk ok? Lee Mee xXx

November 16, 2012

RYN: Oh man don’t tempt me! I have enough money in my Everything Goes With Toast account for the travel there (thank you Jam) and back so I could justify doing it (was saving that money for next year when I’m on maternity and will want to use it to get me set up at the markets etc) so if there’s one more hint of drama I think I’m just going to piss off and go. Lee Mee xXx

November 16, 2012

RYN: Oh man don’t tempt me! I have enough money in my Everything Goes With Toast account for the travel there (thank you Jam) and back so I could justify doing it (was saving that money for next year when I’m on maternity and will want to use it to get me set up at the markets etc) so if there’s one more hint of drama I think I’m just going to piss off and go. Lee Mee xXx

November 16, 2012

RYN: Oh man don’t tempt me! I have enough money in my Everything Goes With Toast account for the travel there (thank you Jam) and back so I could justify doing it (was saving that money for next year when I’m on maternity and will want to use it to get me set up at the markets etc) so if there’s one more hint of drama I think I’m just going to piss off and go. Lee Mee xXx

*hugs* Marty did this to me once, and told me I was horrible for ‘painting him in a bad light’. When I reminded him I had no friends outside of OD to talk to, and I used my diary as though I was talking to friends having a coffee he kind of understood. I also reminded him that if I had talked to people in person he would be none the wiser and because I wrote it he had access to it. Like you (c)

*hugs* Marty did this to me once, and told me I was horrible for ‘painting him in a bad light’. When I reminded him I had no friends outside of OD to talk to, and I used my diary as though I was talking to friends having a coffee he kind of understood. I also reminded him that if I had talked to people in person he would be none the wiser and because I wrote it he had access to it. Like you (c)

*hugs* Marty did this to me once, and told me I was horrible for ‘painting him in a bad light’. When I reminded him I had no friends outside of OD to talk to, and I used my diary as though I was talking to friends having a coffee he kind of understood. I also reminded him that if I had talked to people in person he would be none the wiser and because I wrote it he had access to it. Like you (c)

I am logged in 24 / 7 and I don’t hide the fact. I don’t have a password on my netbook either so Marty is aware he can look at anything at anytime. I did this after he found out I had cheated on him when living in Seychelles … 8 years ago … he on the other hand still has password protected everything despite cheating on me while we were married AND TTC-ing for Ethan but *shrugs* his choice.

I am logged in 24 / 7 and I don’t hide the fact. I don’t have a password on my netbook either so Marty is aware he can look at anything at anytime. I did this after he found out I had cheated on him when living in Seychelles … 8 years ago … he on the other hand still has password protected everything despite cheating on me while we were married AND TTC-ing for Ethan but *shrugs* his choice.

I am logged in 24 / 7 and I don’t hide the fact. I don’t have a password on my netbook either so Marty is aware he can look at anything at anytime. I did this after he found out I had cheated on him when living in Seychelles … 8 years ago … he on the other hand still has password protected everything despite cheating on me while we were married AND TTC-ing for Ethan but *shrugs* his choice.

I can’t really help to be honest, just wanted to offer a hug 🙂

I can’t really help to be honest, just wanted to offer a hug 🙂

I can’t really help to be honest, just wanted to offer a hug 🙂

****ing hell Christie. I would be absolutely livid too. He controls you enough as it is and now he’s jumped into new territory, getting into your mind and attacking you from there. However this pans out, if you forgive him or leave him or whatever – we’re all here for you. You didn’t know me a couple of years ago, my ex boyfriend found out the website for OD and made a diary.. Befriended me pretending to be someone else and was on my friends list for over a year. Although he wasn’t my husband I was angry enough then, I can’t even begin to imagine what you are feeling right now. This is the lowest of lows as far as I’m concerned and proves how shit he has been in the past to you. I’d be upset too if I read about shit things I’d done to my wife being written on OD.. with people commenting at the bottom. However, you wouldn’t be writing about these things if he wasn’t doing them in the first place would you? *huge hugs Christie* You are loved lots and lots by everyone. If there is anything I can do to help then let me know. xxxxx

****ing hell Christie. I would be absolutely livid too. He controls you enough as it is and now he’s jumped into new territory, getting into your mind and attacking you from there. However this pans out, if you forgive him or leave him or whatever – we’re all here for you. You didn’t know me a couple of years ago, my ex boyfriend found out the website for OD and made a diary.. Befriended me pretending to be someone else and was on my friends list for over a year. Although he wasn’t my husband I was angry enough then, I can’t even begin to imagine what you are feeling right now. This is the lowest of lows as far as I’m concerned and proves how shit he has been in the past to you. I’d be upset too if I read about shit things I’d done to my wife being written on OD.. with people commenting at the bottom. However, you wouldn’t be writing about these things if he wasn’t doing them in the first place would you? *huge hugs Christie* You are loved lots and lots by everyone. If there is anything I can do to help then let me know. xxxxx

****ing hell Christie. I would be absolutely livid too. He controls you enough as it is and now he’s jumped into new territory, getting into your mind and attacking you from there. However this pans out, if you forgive him or leave him or whatever – we’re all here for you. You didn’t know me a couple of years ago, my ex boyfriend found out the website for OD and made a diary.. Befriended me pretending to be someone else and was on my friends list for over a year. Although he wasn’t my husband I was angry enough then, I can’t even begin to imagine what you are feeling right now. This is the lowest of lows as far as I’m concerned and proves how shit he has been in the past to you. I’d be upset too if I read about shit things I’d done to my wife being written on OD.. with people commenting at the bottom. However, you wouldn’t be writing about these things if he wasn’t doing them in the first place would you? *huge hugs Christie* You are loved lots and lots by everyone. If there is anything I can do to help then let me know. xxxxx

Wow, I don’t know what to say Christie, all I can offer is *hugs*. xxx

Wow, I don’t know what to say Christie, all I can offer is *hugs*. xxx

Wow, I don’t know what to say Christie, all I can offer is *hugs*. xxx

*hugs* i don’t know what to say, but didn’t want to read & run. xx

*hugs* i don’t know what to say, but didn’t want to read & run. xx

*hugs* i don’t know what to say, but didn’t want to read & run. xx

I am so sorry. This is a HUGE breach of trust, and that is not okay. :/ Brad knows about my OD. I talk about it often, and he knows that if he has any questions he is free to ask them. However he also know that reading here is NOT okay, and never will be. I’m sorry your trust has been shaken. I can’t imagine how I would feel if I was in your position. Sending lots of strength and support your way.

I am so sorry. This is a HUGE breach of trust, and that is not okay. :/ Brad knows about my OD. I talk about it often, and he knows that if he has any questions he is free to ask them. However he also know that reading here is NOT okay, and never will be. I’m sorry your trust has been shaken. I can’t imagine how I would feel if I was in your position. Sending lots of strength and support your way.

I am so sorry. This is a HUGE breach of trust, and that is not okay. :/ Brad knows about my OD. I talk about it often, and he knows that if he has any questions he is free to ask them. However he also know that reading here is NOT okay, and never will be. I’m sorry your trust has been shaken. I can’t imagine how I would feel if I was in your position. Sending lots of strength and support your way.

-hugs- perhaps counselling/a better way to communicate is needed. i havent snooped on other but has happened to me before, and f.ck is it an awful feeling 🙁

-hugs- perhaps counselling/a better way to communicate is needed. i havent snooped on other but has happened to me before, and f.ck is it an awful feeling 🙁

-hugs- perhaps counselling/a better way to communicate is needed. i havent snooped on other but has happened to me before, and f.ck is it an awful feeling 🙁

November 16, 2012

I have many things I could say but my anger isn’t going to help you ease yours. I don’t know how easy it is to recover from such a huge breach of trust. It’s such an important cornerstone for me that I don’t know how I could deal with Dafydd doing the same.

November 16, 2012

I have many things I could say but my anger isn’t going to help you ease yours. I don’t know how easy it is to recover from such a huge breach of trust. It’s such an important cornerstone for me that I don’t know how I could deal with Dafydd doing the same.

November 16, 2012

I have many things I could say but my anger isn’t going to help you ease yours. I don’t know how easy it is to recover from such a huge breach of trust. It’s such an important cornerstone for me that I don’t know how I could deal with Dafydd doing the same.

November 16, 2012

I am really sorry Christie, i would be just as upset. T would never want to read what I write here he has even said so, i think he finally understands that sometimes my writing is just really for me to figure out my own feelings. Plus you dont have gf’s to meet with and vent about life with, this is your place.

November 16, 2012

I am really sorry Christie, i would be just as upset. T would never want to read what I write here he has even said so, i think he finally understands that sometimes my writing is just really for me to figure out my own feelings. Plus you dont have gf’s to meet with and vent about life with, this is your place.

November 16, 2012

I am really sorry Christie, i would be just as upset. T would never want to read what I write here he has even said so, i think he finally understands that sometimes my writing is just really for me to figure out my own feelings. Plus you dont have gf’s to meet with and vent about life with, this is your place.

November 16, 2012

Sometimes when I am upset with T, i write him emails, he never liked it before he thought i stewed on my feelings but now has realized that its how i processed. He still doesn’t love it but gets it. And I feel like it gives me time to express myself, T is so quick witted that when we argue/discuss sometimes i get set back then get defensive, then mean & then its about something else entirely.

November 16, 2012

Sometimes when I am upset with T, i write him emails, he never liked it before he thought i stewed on my feelings but now has realized that its how i processed. He still doesn’t love it but gets it. And I feel like it gives me time to express myself, T is so quick witted that when we argue/discuss sometimes i get set back then get defensive, then mean & then its about something else entirely.

November 16, 2012

Sometimes when I am upset with T, i write him emails, he never liked it before he thought i stewed on my feelings but now has realized that its how i processed. He still doesn’t love it but gets it. And I feel like it gives me time to express myself, T is so quick witted that when we argue/discuss sometimes i get set back then get defensive, then mean & then its about something else entirely.

November 16, 2012

I remember when Rich read my diary. Not only did he read it he had to set up a diary to read it as I was OD only. And thats why I went to faves only, and I’ve never gone back. Deep down, i think you need to look after yourself AND cassie….Dan doesnt put either of you first.

November 16, 2012

I remember when Rich read my diary. Not only did he read it he had to set up a diary to read it as I was OD only. And thats why I went to faves only, and I’ve never gone back. Deep down, i think you need to look after yourself AND cassie….Dan doesnt put either of you first.

November 16, 2012

I remember when Rich read my diary. Not only did he read it he had to set up a diary to read it as I was OD only. And thats why I went to faves only, and I’ve never gone back. Deep down, i think you need to look after yourself AND cassie….Dan doesnt put either of you first.

wow, this is awful! but somehow looking back on the entries you’ve posted before, and his behavior towards you, i’m not surprised he’s done this to you. he doesn’t seem to value your thoughts, feelings, interests and opinions. and when this happens, the person doing it thinks NOTHING of violating your trust and privacy because they don’t value you. i think counseling is a great option. best, xoxo

wow, this is awful! but somehow looking back on the entries you’ve posted before, and his behavior towards you, i’m not surprised he’s done this to you. he doesn’t seem to value your thoughts, feelings, interests and opinions. and when this happens, the person doing it thinks NOTHING of violating your trust and privacy because they don’t value you. i think counseling is a great option. best, xoxo

wow, this is awful! but somehow looking back on the entries you’ve posted before, and his behavior towards you, i’m not surprised he’s done this to you. he doesn’t seem to value your thoughts, feelings, interests and opinions. and when this happens, the person doing it thinks NOTHING of violating your trust and privacy because they don’t value you. i think counseling is a great option. best, xoxo

wow, this is awful! but somehow looking back on the entries you’ve posted before, and his behavior towards you, i’m not surprised he’s done this to you. he doesn’t seem to value your thoughts, feelings, interests and opinions. and when this happens, the person doing it thinks NOTHING of violating your trust and privacy because they don’t value you. i think counseling is a great option. best, xoxo

wow, this is awful! but somehow looking back on the entries you’ve posted before, and his behavior towards you, i’m not surprised he’s done this to you. he doesn’t seem to value your thoughts, feelings, interests and opinions. and when this happens, the person doing it thinks NOTHING of violating your trust and privacy because they don’t value you. i think counseling is a great option. best, xoxo

wow, this is awful! but somehow looking back on the entries you’ve posted before, and his behavior towards you, i’m not surprised he’s done this to you. he doesn’t seem to value your thoughts, feelings, interests and opinions. and when this happens, the person doing it thinks NOTHING of violating your trust and privacy because they don’t value you. i think counseling is a great option. best, xoxo

my last b/f read by diary, it was during the time my mum was ill and a time when i really needed to write. but i couldn’t, i just couldn’t. he wasn’t even sorry for it. and i felt like it was such a big thing, because it is – it sounds so silly in a way but it’s almost as bad as having an affair. it’s a definate breach of trust and something that you both need to work on – i say both because just one of you won’t achieve much. dan needs to see the error of his ways – that boyfriend didn’t, and after the other bad thing he did, i found myself breaking up with him, because i felt like it couldn’t be overcome.

my last b/f read by diary, it was during the time my mum was ill and a time when i really needed to write. but i couldn’t, i just couldn’t. he wasn’t even sorry for it. and i felt like it was such a big thing, because it is – it sounds so silly in a way but it’s almost as bad as having an affair. it’s a definate breach of trust and something that you both need to work on – i say both because just one of you won’t achieve much. dan needs to see the error of his ways – that boyfriend didn’t, and after the other bad thing he did, i found myself breaking up with him, because i felt like it couldn’t be overcome.

my last b/f read by diary, it was during the time my mum was ill and a time when i really needed to write. but i couldn’t, i just couldn’t. he wasn’t even sorry for it. and i felt like it was such a big thing, because it is – it sounds so silly in a way but it’s almost as bad as having an affair. it’s a definate breach of trust and something that you both need to work on – i say both because just one of you won’t achieve much. dan needs to see the error of his ways – that boyfriend didn’t, and after the other bad thing he did, i found myself breaking up with him, because i felt like it couldn’t be overcome.

November 17, 2012

I’m so sorry this is such a breech of trust. Dan really needs to grow up. I tend to not let anyone I know read my OD, as to me its private and I find it easier to write knowing they won’t read it (if that makes sense) and I would be furious if anyone ever snooped on it or did something like this. *big hugs* xxxx

November 17, 2012

I’m so sorry this is such a breech of trust. Dan really needs to grow up. I tend to not let anyone I know read my OD, as to me its private and I find it easier to write knowing they won’t read it (if that makes sense) and I would be furious if anyone ever snooped on it or did something like this. *big hugs* xxxx

November 17, 2012

I’m so sorry this is such a breech of trust. Dan really needs to grow up. I tend to not let anyone I know read my OD, as to me its private and I find it easier to write knowing they won’t read it (if that makes sense) and I would be furious if anyone ever snooped on it or did something like this. *big hugs* xxxx

November 17, 2012

I always wished my boyfriends would read my diary so that maybe they could understand me…but I never wrote anything nearly as thought by thought detailed as you do, so I can only imagine how painful this must be for you.

November 17, 2012

I always wished my boyfriends would read my diary so that maybe they could understand me…but I never wrote anything nearly as thought by thought detailed as you do, so I can only imagine how painful this must be for you.

November 17, 2012

I always wished my boyfriends would read my diary so that maybe they could understand me…but I never wrote anything nearly as thought by thought detailed as you do, so I can only imagine how painful this must be for you.