Hostage
The onslaught of emotions at certain times, can be extremely difficult and remind me of turbulent waters prior to a raging storm. Perhaps it is my inability to comprehend the moment in which I feel myself drowning, weakened by attempts that are futile to maintain my head above-water. It is disconcerting and more than uncomfortable and I can’t help but be ambivalent to circumspect revelations.
Tentacles of something dark and ominous reach out and take without thought or reason. There is no justification that is reasonable and no amount of pleading will alleviate the repercussions, if any. Efforts are futile, yet against my own better judgment I continue to pursue what is out there. I am impeded by my own thoughts and actions, unable to let go.
That refusal or perhaps stubbornness hinders my objectivity. I can cope, and I can survive, but feel that there should be something more. Something still out of reach no matter the decision.
It is subterfuge … a plot that is meaningless and I want nothing more than to be able to hide, my means of escaping are becoming known and I realize that I need to be more careful. Am I inept at covering? The walls are sturdy though I hunger for them to be torn down.
I feel as if I am being held hostage with absolutely no avenue of escaping. It is pure torture and the undertones of such strike fear. I do not tremble however, but I do move forward with a bit of trepidation. As it should be, at least I think it should be. I could be wrong.
Sometimes I wish I were elsewhere. Away from my mind and those ever present culpable thoughts that refuse any peaceful moment. The wickedness of such gnaws at me the proof of which are the dark circles under my eyes.
No ransom will be paid … it’s mind over matter, after all.
ryn: no offense meant, but there’s only so much you can learn from reading. you have to try and fail and learn and grow if you want to write. Especially, since, as you say, you’re not being put to shame. Just my opinion, but the whole point of HWC is for all of us to get better and help each other get better and if you’re not writing, you miss out on feedback from everyone about what you’re doing. I’ve gotten some invaluable feedback already and hopefully I’ll be able to put it to good use as I move on and grow. Anyway, I hope you don’t throw in the towel.
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I won’t throw down the towel, honest! Sometimes I seriously question my ability, but that hasn’t prevented me from moving forward. Some of us are better are writing certain genres than others are. I like writing erotica *grins* with those hidden innuendos of something quite salacious! Thanks, Hoops, you’re one of a kind and I’m glad I came across your OD 🙂
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ryn: no worries. i’m just getting a lot of weird notes about criticism on HWC entries and I don’t get them.
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Not trying to side bust or anything, I like what y’all have going on. Having read this and the last entry, if I I were to offer a humble suggestion, it’d be something along the lines; hold the reins a bit looser, relax into it, stories are half organic let ’em grow. ryn; Thank you
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