Acceptance and peace

The truth – when TS came out to me a month (!!!) ago, it was shocking. And I was so sad. I had no idea what my future would look like anymore. I was ready to pack up, move back to my home state and start over. I was expecting to go on ourtime.com to start dating but then realized I was still too young for that dating website. I was panicked. Then I went to therapy. Then we had many conversations. And we had some more. Then she bought some new clothes and makeup and she let me straighten her hair.

And I saw her. And most importantly, she saw herself. It was wondrous. The absolute joy and peace.

A week ago, we came out to all the parents. My in laws are amazing. My parents…..my dad. I mentioned to a friend that I entered the new year, the new decade, that I am now an orphan. And frankly, I’m OK. Everyone keeps on telling me that I need to worry about myself. I agree. I need to make sure my boundaries are drawn. That includes excluding people in my life who don’t consider my feelings and are hateful.

I have been doing a lot of research for groups to support me. TS has  many resources. But for someone in my position, there are some, but not a lot. For example, there is the Straight Spouse Network and many YouTube videos of straight spouses telling their individual stories. On some level, I can relate to them but for the most part, not really. It’s taken me no time to accept this. I’m cool. I know there will be days when I’m annoyed by it all, but for the most part, I’m fine. Many of the videos were from “trans widows”; basically straight spouse who now saw them selves as widows because their spouse had died. TS is the same person, she’s not dead. I don’t think of myself as a trans widow. I sometimes feel as though something is wrong with me to be this accepting so quickly. I know there isn’t, but I don’t relate well with the straight spouses.

Yesterday, we made it Facebook official and came out to all our friends and family. The whole thing was positive. I have found my cold, icy heart was warmed by the people in our lives when they would ask how I was. Through my research, the straight spouse is often overlooked because the transgender person is the focus because it’s a huge change. They get the attention. I am OK with this too. But the basic asking of my feelings and whatnot was nice.

Anyway, as of right now, I am good. I hope you are as well.