…some sort of inspiration

…some sort of inspiration As i sit here in front of my computer,
i’m listening to a song that has opened my mind.

I guess i should tell you some backstory as to how i have the mindset i have.
I was born in to what you could call a life of luxury,
when i was born i had everything i could ever want,
a nanny, any toy i wished, my parents were in the best stage of their life.
I went to a private school all the way to middle school,
i was taken to school by my parents in the morning,
and picked up by a chauffeur,
he would take me anywhere i wanted to eat,
then drop me off at home with a nanny who would tend to my every need.
i never saw my parents much as a kid,
but i couldn’t complain i had everything else.

when i entered high school i continued my private education,
and everything was going good.
Then 9/11 happened.
My parents work suffered a decline, a really bad one.
Our economic status dropped and some of the luxuries we used to have ended.
But everything was good, or so i thought.

My dad is a diabetic and has been one since the age of 12,
i never really thought much of his illness because i never really saw when he was sick.
It all changed my junior year,
it was around 3am when my mom yelled to me,
i ran downstairs not knowing what was going on,
only to see my dad unconscious on the bed.
He was convulsing and my mom was crying,
we had to rush him to the hospital,
on the way there his heart stopped,
and i held my father dead as we reached our destination,
We entered the clinic where the nurses went ahead and revived my dad.
The next day in school i was still in shock to what i had seen,
and then my parents told me the truth.

When i was 10 we took a trip to florida,
i had never been to Disney World so i was thrilled,
little did i know it was supposed to be my fathers last trip,
his doctor had given him 2 months to live.

I felt betrayed at the fact my parents had hidden this from me for so long.
So i became a bitter person,
my ability to care for others seemed to vanish,
and i only began to care for myself.

Enter my college years,
first year was good,
except for the fact i was considered a foreign student,
being 17 and an american,
but my parents were mexican,
the system couldnt consider me an american,
since i had not lived here for a couple of years.

I wasnt looking for a handout,
i never did, never had medicare or medicaid,
never looked for goverment assistance,
all i wanted was to be treated the same and i wasnt.
Again my bitterness grew on a system i felt had betrayed me.

My second year i thought was great,
i had met the person i thought would be the love of my life,
someone who ended up destroying and playing with my emotions,
once again that bitterness grew.
I had lost faith even in God, someone who i had turned to for all these years,
i began to look down upon people who would credit him with things we as humans did.
I began to only credit myself if i accomplished something,
i would shun people who would say "oh its cause God intended it that way".

I grew immune to images and situations that were sad,
i wouldnt gringe at the injustices placed forth by our goverment,
i could care less about homeless people,
i could care less of those not fortunate,
i could care less of those who would lose their loved ones,
either to a war,
or to anything.
i became hollow inside.

Then i met her…
my fiancee…

She reminded me what it was to love,
she reminded me what it was to have a heart,
she reminded me how good it felt to put others before you,
to turn the other cheek,
to allow yourself to feel for others and then yourself.

I was listening to a song today,
handlebars by the flobots,
and as simplistic as it may sound it made me realize i have not completely gone back to that person i was.
That loving son, that great friend,
i still kept hate inside,
i still had regret of my actions,
i still didn’t really care.

I plan to change now…
i plan to become that great person i was destined to be…
i plan to show people how love and acceptance is the only way to a better future,
i plan to demonstrate how there is always a better side.

if you read all of this i thank you,
i felt i needed to tell someone,
nay, everyone i know this,
i’m tired of still feeling empty at times inside,
and knowing i’m more than capable of changing it.

your friend.
sherman.