Everyday

i wrote this back in march of 04 but today seems like a good day to repost

wake up…wake up…WAKE UP!!!
That incessant voice in my head hardly lets me sleep now,
Everyday it just has to be the same.
Don’t do this, don’t go there,
Don’t speak your mind, hold your breath,
Don’t say what you mean.
How is it that I can’t seem to last,
Even a minute without thinking of the past.
Never has such a daunting shadow followed me so,
Never has regret been as strong as it was before.
How could it be a simple glimpse into the future,
Could lead me so deep into such a horrible past.
Why is it that I can’t seem to cut that string,
That taunts me ever so foolishly,
How is it I can’t pick up these scissors and cut myself from this agonizing noose?
What would happen if I were to just give up today,
If I would let down my guards and take the pain,
I saw myself as such a fighter of this pain,
I saw myself as a seasoned veteran to such horrible fate.
Yet now I can’t even seem to get myself out of this place,
I look up and no longer see the light,
That dim exit that once was my only way out,
Now lies buried amongst hatred filled rocks and uncertainty filled metals.
Damn this everlasting thought of failure.
How I wish to help him who needs me now the most.
I don’t care if I will fall into that abyss,
I only wish to save him from that pain I once felt,
And allow him to live the life he deserves to live.
This is my journey and I go through it,
Everyday.