Daydreamer (11-11-05)

Did you ever ask yourself what happened to the daydreamer, what happened to our childhood dreams of happiness…what happened to our feeling of nothing can stop me today. Where did our thoughts of greatness go to in these times of sadness…what happened to an ice cream cone curing our broken heart because that cute girl with the glasses didn’t want to be our valentine. How a friendship could be cured with a simple shake of hands or a simple invite to your next birthday party…did we really not know then how truly to love? We used to value our friendships to death and sometimes even a simple word could hurt us…but has the hurt grown since then?

Now we have so many things as adults…or young adults that plague our everyday lives…we have our future to worry, maybe now because its closer than it was when we were 8. High school took away our innocence in thought, and college and life hardened our hearts to a rock at times. We cry tears now of real hurt we say, we feel alone and left behind, we feel at times the whole world is against us. I lost myself almost 5 years ago…I became another casualty to the harshness of this life, I lost my dreams…I worried about things that did not need a worry, I lost my inner smile and would try and look for it in so many places, in so many people, that I had forgotten that I had it inside me all along.

I found out today that I had stopped dreaming, I had stopped knowing deep inside that everything is going to be ok. That life will put those pebbles in your path…but its up to you to just brush them off the path, or make them the towering walls that would not let you through. I found my true voice today, my inner voice that would never leave me alone before, I found my true happiness inside, one I didn’t have to go looking for in places where it did not lie. I have so much to give this world, and I was so simple to think that I could just take my own life and end this suffering, I have so many more poems to write, so many more words to say, so many more experiences to live through. I had lost control over my feelings, and so I had lost control over my life, I let anything and everything move me, change me, corrupt me.

I remember now, how everything was never really different, everything around me was the same, the hurt was still out there, the love was still out there, the only difference is that now, I will accept anything that may come my way, whether it may be pain or happiness I will take it in and accept it as my own. Because all in all I am a daydreamer, a poet, a prophet, a friend I am so much that words lack explanation, I am alive and well. My dreams have come back to me, and I didn’t have to be asleep to know they are real.

Prophet-
S. Ruben Tovar