Shouldn’t Have Read the Fanfiction

Over the years, I’ve had more and more obsessions, especially with different anime series.  The past 2 years, I’ve gotten into 2 more animes: Naruto and Prince of Tennis.  With obsessions over stories and series come reading fanfictions.  The past few weeks, I’ve been hanging out too much at FanFiction.net (FFnet).

On April 20, 2007, Seeing, REALLY Seeing, a Prince of Tennis fanfic by LoNeLy aTHRuN ZaLa at http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3036368/1/, drove me to tears, as well as made me sick and depressed.  I still regret reading that story because of my reaction to it.  For awhile, that story kept coming into my mind, and everytime that happened, I didn’t feel well.  I was then afraid that I wouldn’t be able to watch PoT without being reminded of that fanfic, but fortunately, I was still able to enjoy them.

I couldn’t understand why I reacted that way since I usually don’t shed tears when reading stories.  It could be related to the quote, A picture is worth 1,000 words.  Maybe I became too attached to the characters after watching many PoT episodes, making it hard to read about their deaths.  Still, most of the other death stories didn’t make me that emotional.  It could possibly be the way Seeing, REALLY Seeing was written.  Most of the other stories were short, with less detailed and emotional scenes, but this story had chapters of them.

Since I don’t have favorite characters, the death victim couldn’t have been a cause of my strong emotions.  Another possibility could be the cancer in the story.  I know too many people who lost their lives to that disease, and reading that story just reminded me of them.

I had to keep reminding myself that the content wasn’t accurate, even by the anime creator’s standards.  The fan’s story doesn’t really fit with the series’ story.

I know I’m crazy, stupid, and irresponsible to have even read fanfics.   Besides, it was a few days after the Virginia Tech shooting, and reading the fanfic bothered me more than the shooting.  This is another proof of how selfish, evil, and irresponsible I am, really unable to sort out priorities.  The shooting was real and much more serious, but the fiction bothered me more.  It should be the opposite.