Leaving TS 1
Soon after the decline of HoB at EZBoard, I was invited to another EZBoard community called TaleSpinners Corner (TS) on October 9, 2004. The founder started the community after having problems and leaving HoB in July 2004. A HoB admin had also left HoB and became a TS admin. Though the founder said I could be the first to be invited, I saw that several others from HoB, including Arveleg, Rhia, and Adu, had already made their way there. After some exploring, I began enjoying the new community.
I had also been at Arnor where Arveleg was admin, so I invited both TS admins there. On November 14, 2004, we were talking about morals and distractions at TS when Arveleg made some rude and attacking posts at both TS and Arnor that made me thought about leaving. Fortunately, the founder quickly took action and stopped the problem from getting worse. Arveleg then apologized for starting it all, and said that he had been drunk. Still, that was no excuse, especially since people shouldn’t be drinking in the first place. However, problems didn’t end at Arnor, so I eventually left.
At HoB, Arveleg had complained about unfair and subjective standards, mind games, and people being unable to tell apart fact and fiction. However, at TS and Arnor, he did the things he complained about: unfair, unclear, and subjective rules. I then realized that he was the one unable to tell apart fact and fiction, playing mind games, and trying to attack through RP, and learned that he is narrow-minded, cliquey, hypocritic, and often trying to stir up and continue troubles. He was probably also upset about what happened at HoB, so he took it out on me. Fortunately, he hardly ever showed up at TS. In January 2005, the HoB founder started a new HoB community, but it was often slow, especially since most members left after being invited to TS.
In April 2005, both TS admins announced that they had to leave EZBoard communities for RL reasons, so Argael took over as TS admin. The founder had invited her over because we had met at Arnor. At about the same time Christiane was invited, so she spent less and less time at HoB. Things seemed to go downhill after the TS founder and former admin left, especially after the hacker attack on EZBoard during the Memorial Day weekend. The founder and former admin were more fair, open-minded, patient, understanding, and organized. Argael had been nice to me at Arnor and when she first joined TS, but changed after she began taking over as admin of TS.
After the hacker attack and departure of the two admins, new RP storylines were planned, but never really started. At the same time, there were forums for IC (in-character) fun. Soon, Adu, Argael, Rhia, and someone else were quickly coming up with many new RP characters, and pairing them up for love scenes. Posts were mostly related to flirting and mushy content. Though the rules are to keep it PG-13, to me their posts are R, or even NC-17. They include things such as two strangers just meet, talk for a minute, and begin kissing and doing other sexual things. They even took it to the OCC (out-of-character) areas of the board, and quit intereacting with my characters, even when I had my characters approach and talk to them. Argael had one of her characters, Malcolm, try to pair up with my main character, though to me, they didn’t fit together. Often having trouble with ideas, I decided to have the character "play hard to get," and proceed slowly and properly with the romance so there will be more to write about. It seemed as if regular interaction between friends was gone, and all they wanted to do is the graphic love scenes, which was not for someone with high morals. Only a new member and the founder still interacted with my characters on a friendship level until she left.
At about the same time, I was getting people’s characters confused, so I posted questions for clarifications. Argael scolded, "Where did you get the idea that….?" as if I had been attacking someone. I then explained how I had been confused.
I began to sense bias, cliques, and mind games though I had no proof. Almost all the TS members seemed to have become a clique, and decided to exclude me. When I apologized for any possible mistakes, mentioned bad experiences at past MBs, and offered to leave, Argael replied, "You’re part of the community," "We’re all friends here," "We don’t want you to leave," and "Don’t compare us to them." She also said that mistakes happen and are tolerable. I should have known that they knew they were doing something wrong, but refused to admit it. Afraid of having the truth revealed, they kept covering it up with lip service.
I also made signature banners for TS members, but they never used them. Well, I did say that I wasn’t trying to show off or compete, and that members didn’t have to use them. However, whenever the founder, former admin, Argael, or Adu made a banner for them, they immediately displayed them and kept them up for a long time. Christiane had said that she liked the banner I made for her, but probably just "to be polite" since she never used it. I also noticed that almost nobody posted in my personal forum while they actively visited other members’. All these proved that they were looking down and excluding me.
I should not have been at TS on the night of July 14, 2005. Adu, using herself and another of her characters (Sita), was spamming with flirty posts with Argael who was posting as Malcolm. I was confused what was going on, and they acted as if I didn’t exist. They did post "goodnight" to me, but it sounded like an indirect attack of "Get out of here! We don’t want you around!" Maybe that’s why I remained: I didn’t want them to think they won in driving me away. Besides the rejection, their flirting with Malcolm bothered me, because they were lowering the standards of my character, which is lowering my standards. Writers’ characters
and stories reflect their morals and values, and people of high morals do not flirt around or pair up with flirts and others who would have more than one partner. At this point, I wasn’t sure what to do with RP posts anymore.
Since Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (HBP) was about to be released, we had also been talking about the previous HP books, especially Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (OOTP). We had known that a character will die in HBP, and that had been bothering me for a long time. I was also saying that I always have to peek at the end of books and look at spoilers, because I need to know things, especially unpleasant things, ahead of time. I later regretted mentioning that since it seemed to increase their grudge towards me. Those people didn’t like to look ahead and know, and just couldn’t accept differences.
The worst came on Saturday, July 16, 2005, somewhat making it the final straw when I had made one of the biggest mistakes. The knowledge of a death in HBP had been bothering me so much, so I needed to peek, and the death upset me, so I had to talk and get it off my mind. At TS, I followed what I had seen at other boards when someone posted a spoiler. I posted WARNING HP SPOILERS and left several blank lines, then talked about the death and how it bothered me. It was also how spoilers are handled in newspapers and online articles: the reporter would write WARNING: SPOILERS, then proceed with the spoiler in their news story. I should have just bore the pain from the death or e-mailed my real life (RL) friends about it instead of going to MBs.
Adu posted that she "accidentally saw it," and that I had spoiled it, along with attacks when all she had to do was just clearly and simply stated something like: "I was upset when I accidentally saw it, I moved the spoilers to separate thread with a warning. That is the way to handle spoilers." Instead, she attacked and yelled with words, such as, "The book just came out! How could you know who died!" "How could you post such a big spoiler in a thread everyone visits!" and "That’s the most inconsiderate thing you have done in a long time!"
Argael had also posted, supporting Adu’s attacks and her right to hurt my feelings. She pretty much rephrased and repeated Adu’s words, said it was "a big deal," and lied that Adu was just expressing her feelings. Well, weren’t we taught in school how to politely express feelings and emotions? I bet if the roles had been reversed, Argael would have gotten after me for attacking Adu over a small mistake since by now, I had began to realize that she favored Adu, and was biased. Besides, Adu also posted, "I’ve thought about this long and hard" and "Before you go off saying ‘ADU’S BEING MEAN! ADU’S BEING MEAN!’ Think about what you’ve done!" That meant her post wasn’t totally done out of anger and impulse. She had time to think and plan an attack, and knowing that Argael the admin favored and would support her went ahead with the attack. Besides, she was once again calling me "childish" and "immature" by putting the words, "ADU’S BEING MEAN! ADU’S BEING MEAN!" in my mouth. Now, wasn’t Argael the one who said that mistakes happen and are "tolerable"? Well, according to what they posted on the spoiler, it was not tolerating.
I then replied, saying how offended and hurt I was by their replies and explained why I had handled the spoiler the way I did. I pointed out that it was subjective, and they had no right to attack, especially since I didn’t attack anyone. I also asked for clarification on the situation with Malcolm so I could figure out the directions to take with my RP posts. Then announced that I had been thinking about leaving.
They next day, I find that Argael lied that I was "leaving because of a little misunderstanding" and continued to say how Adu had been right to express her anger, and that she wasn’t the only one bothered by it. Argael also added that I ruined the fun and wasted people’s money spent in buying the book, and even had the nerve to reply that "there is nothing subjective about how to post spoilers." She also said that Malcolm didn’t go seeing others, that I "had always been disgusted with him" and wanted to remain single, and that "his bags were packed, and he is leaving," making it sound like I was trying to hurt others’ feelings when I was only figuring out what to do with the RPs. To me, IC material should remain in the RP areas while OOC materials stay in the OOC parts, so their posting RP relationships in OOC threads were confusing me. Then again, maybe I didn’t explain things well enough. No matter how I tried to defend myself and explain my hurts, Argael just kept defending Adu and said to quit talking about it, even when Adu made a very short apology, though I knew she didn’t mean it. That showed that Argael was denying her mistakes and bias, and wanted the discussion to end before both were forced to admit. I also explained that my real reason for leaving was stress in general.
The following Monday, July 18, I found a post by Christiane in Adu’s personal forum, supporting her attack and thanking her for moving the spoiler before I could have spoiled it for more people. Adu then said that I was a source of bad luck for her, and that she wished it hadn’t been spoiled for her and Rhia, revealing that Rhia also supported her in the attacks, and they had probably planned the attack together. Christiane and Adu proceeded to with more posts behind my back in Adu’s forum, demonstrating how they had formed a clique that was rejecting me and disrespecting my differences. Adu said that my removing the spoiler thread might have been a good thing so she "wouldn’t be tempted to look." I later figured that she probably had been tempted by the warning to read it, then blamed her temptations on me, and lied that she "accidentally saw it."
When I tried to defend myself, the founder warned only me of not letting it go and bringing it to personal forums when Chris
tiane was the one who brought it to Adu’s forum and they both kept at it behind my back. I then quickly removed all the posts regarding the spoiler problems, and since the warning had been inserted in my post using the edit option, I was able to remove it, then replace with a note that I did not wish to read or post anymore about it.
For awhile, I had also been wondering how Adu had the money for EZSupporter (a paid EZBoard service that provided extra features) for the past few months, and two days later, July 20, I happened to check out her profile to see words stating that the background design had been done by Argael. I then realized it was probably Argael who bought her EZSupporter since she also did it for a new member she invited to TS. At the same time, I clicked on a link to Adu’s newly started public online journal to find her writing about my HBP behavior, along with lies and false accusations, in an entry dated July 16. She wrote about my ruining the story, and exaggerated that I "blew up" at her for just saying, "Look what you’ve done!" That phrase wasn’t anywhere in her posts, and if she had posted, "Look what you’ve done! You spoiled it!" instead of all those attacks, I wouldn’t have gotten so upset. She also had the nerve to lie that I was creating drama and "blowing up at the Adu/ Sita thing because I couldn’t get with Malcolm" when I wanted to be single. All right, maybe I didn’t ask and explained things clearly, but I was talking about RL when I said I wanted to be single. Then, as I already mentioned, I was just asking for information to help me with my RP posts, and if I had been mad, it was because they were lowering the standards of my characters, which would be lowering my standards. Adu’s entry made me so sick that I quickly left without reading further, and never wanted to read her online journal again. I was confirmed that she was nothing, but a big fat liar.
About the same time, Adu had mentioned about her school starting, and when I asked for clarification, she answered, "I’m sure I know when my school starts." All I did was describe my confusion on the dates, and instread of explaining it, she falsely accused me of calling her "stupid and not knowing her school schedule." Some time before that, when I misinterpretted something, Adu explained it, then added a false accusation that I was "throwing around serious terms like confetti."
There was also a thread on alcohol, and members were making IC posts on drinking and getting drunk. Christiane, who usually didn’t participate in RPs, even got involved. I tried to fit in, but it didn’t work, probably because I didn’t make posts about doing improper and low-moral things, such as getting drunk and stripping. Christiane also asked about the flirty spam posts, and said, "I guess I missed something." When I mentioned that she didn’t miss much, and I spent the whole time dazed and confused, Adu replied, "You probably wouldn’t have been if you had participated." No way would I lower my morals, values, and standards by getting involved in such mushy and improper behavior of flirting! That proved that most of the TS members were improper, and negative influence was quickly strengthening and spreading.
The same night I saw Adu’s journal, I made a long post to clarify things, explain my thoughts and feelings, and apologize for anything I did wrong. Most of the members replied with the suggestion to take time off from TS, which I had been planning in the first place. Still, I suspected they actually didn’t appreciate my presence and wanted me to leave.
The next day, the founder and I talked on IM. Since I didn’t want to be attacked for ruining stories again, I asked at HoB the rules for handling spoilers. Then Christiane and a new TS member also wanted to discuss HBP, and I had directed them to the HBP thread at HoB because that was the only place I knew, and Christiane was also a member there. Unfortunately, the founder had stalked me over to HoB though she said she didn’t want anything to do with that place. She then falsely accused me of bringing personal issues to HoB and attacking TS, and I had to explain the reasons. Finally, there were some fun sites (such as personality tests) that were shared at TS, and I decided to share the fun at HoB as well, resulting in the founder saying she was hurt and that I had something against her and TS members. I told them that I was sharing the public fun, which had nothing to do with anyone. For goodness sake, those were all public sites that could be visited by anyone with internet access. It was hard to believe that people were minding what others post, even when it has nothing to do with them.
The founder also commented on my editing the warning in my post in Adu’s forum. My reply was that since people no longer wanted to talk about the problem, I wanted as many traces of it as possible removed. Unfortunately, I didn’t realize my other reason for the edit until days later. I did not appreciate being singled out when Christiane was the one who brought it to Adu’s forum, and both made several posts behind my back. I later recalled that the founder had one of her characters pair up with Christiane’s character at HoB, making her favor Christiane.
During the IM conversation, the founder also stated that she didn’t want me to be unhappy at TS, but I was unable to describe all the problems, especially since I knew the response would be "drop it," more defense for the attacks, and denial of bias and mind games. We both concluded that I would take some time off from TS.
It really hurts when people you thought were friends attack and deceive you. I couldn’t believe Adu was nice and tried to comfort me when Arveleg put me down. In her e-mails, she mentioned that Arveleg liked to cause trouble, and wrote "that man seems to think he’s better than everyone else" and "I find it so unfair that they’re practically chasing you away. What happened to open-mindedness? I feel they should re-evaluate their concept of RP and so on… and what’s t
his about your writing style ‘not fitting in’?" She also stated, "I also don’t like love scenes in movies all that much… they turn my stomach when they get too vulgar," and that she respects my morals and opinions, and that I should be proud of my high morals and standards, especially since people like that are rare. However, her attacks, posts on drinking and love scenes, and joining her clique in rejecting me contradicted what she said in the e-mails, chased me away, and made her a hypocrite. I figured that either she had only been using me all this time, changed for the worse, or began rejecting me after she knew more about me.
During the HoB problems, she complained how the place was a mess, that something went wrong whenever she leaves for awhile, and that Arveleg and the HoB founder were acting like "three year olds fighting over a sweet." Now, how do you explain her possible temptation and taking her anger out on me? She also didn’t keep things in order at HoB, and now at TS, she had caused trouble and got away with it. In an e-mail, she had also mentioned that she felt better at TS, and was glad I joined "so Adu and [my character] shall meet again." That contradicted her ignoring my characters, attacking me, and being cliquey. When the HoB founder had asked who was still remaining at HoB after the problems, Adu posted that she was still around though she hardly stopped by after the decline and restarting of HoB. Very quickly, she quit visiting HoB, demonstrating her lies.
The same goes with Argael who had been nice to me at Arnor and during her first days at TS. Adu seemed to be Argael’s favorite, and I think Argael had been negatively influenced by Arveleg and some of the unpleasant people at Arnor. She and the founder had also written graphic love scenes with each other and other members while at Arnor. Being Argael’s favorite made Adu worse. When HoB declined, Rhia had mentioned, "It’s just an RP, an RP where we were supposed to be family. " However, her supporting and possibly joining with Adu for the attack on me isn’t treating me like family.
After taking about two weeks off, I recalled Rhia’s words in an e-mail, "if we get so upset over a board, then umm… we need to get a life" and "My life is not a computer, or an RP." That was true. I figured that TS was only just upsetting me, so the best solution would be departure, but I did not want members thinking and making me sound like a bad member who "left because of a little misunderstanding." Fortunately, RL was too busy for me to keep up with MBs, so I had good reason to leave.
Continued in Leaving TS 2…