Out of meds

Today was a different day. I was out of meds until I got home because we didn’t have enough before I left. My mom got them refilled but I had to go to school the whole day without them. Surprisingly the experience without them wasn’t too bad. I felt like I could function more, I didn’t leave the rooms once, I usually leave the rooms during the hour. I listened more instead of always raising my hand to talk. I didn’t feel as agitated and believe it or not I didn’t have any cravings for soda today (I could drink a whole 12 pack in one day) and I only had ONE soda. I asked the nurse if the way I was feeling was because I was off my meds, and she said no I was just able to control my emotions. Maybe I do have hope after all. Because usually I am in desperate need of my anxiety medication. Maybe I don’t need to be so dependent on them after all, and I am able to find the skills to use instead of having a pill fix me. That made me feel so good today. Even after the fight with my parents this morning, I didn’t freak out at all during school without my meds. Maybe I am getting better, and using the skills I am being taught to use. I was proud of myself for accomplishing a big thing. I feel like I deserve to treat myself to something good since I did such an awesome good. I am going be alone tonight so that gives me time for self care and just watching netflix. That’s my big thing right now. I am not going to automatically stop my medication, don’t worry. But for whatever reason, I felt good. I didn’t freak out or anything. It’s nice to know I don’t have to depend on them as much now.