Thoughts and Theories.

I find myself thinking, often, about the course we run in our lives.

It’s a given that there is always a beginning and an end in life, but what makes of up everything in between? Where do our choices take us and where does fate come into play? See, I believe in God. I believe he has a plan and purpose for each of our lives, but how exactly are our lives formed if everything is already set in place – how do we still have free will?

In time, I came up with the theory that our lives are like spider webs. We have one entrance point and one exit, but in the middle there are many twists and turns that lead us to another path. One decision takes us to another array of options, but all of the concrete happenings in life are always the same (birth, love, marriage, death, etc.) That way, the things that are supposed to happen will always happen, regardless of the choices you have made/will make.

I don’t know, it’s just a thought.

I wake up in the morning and always wonder why the things are the way they are; why I have had to endure the hardships I have gone through. Things happen for a reason, I know this – what I’m wondering, though, is what is going to come out of it?

Then I look at my aunt, her head is shaved and she’s losing her hair because of her chemo, and I see the smile plastered on her face. What did she do to deserve to suffer and go through so much pain? Do I think she will survive her cancer? Of course I do, but what will she do with the experience and the story of overcoming?

I know someone, somewhere, always has it worse than I do now. That’s why sometimes I feel guilty for being so depressed about the situations I am in. However, we go through different things at different times, and we all react and deal with them in different ways.

I have a lot swarming around in my mind, can you tell?

Things are good, though, don’t get me wrong. I’m actually in the best place, emotionally, than I have been since everything happened back in August. (Except for when I went to see Johnny.)

I just know that everything is going to fall into place, sooner or later, and everything will be just the way it was supposed to.