That’s It. Period.

I just finished Johnny’s gift, and it will be sent out tomorrow. It wasn’t much, but I spent a lot of time, heart, and thought into what I gave him. Since I literally have no money, at all, until the new year, I sent him things that I purchased recently for him, and things that I made.
He is getting:

• A nice supply of Christmas cookies and Fairy Food candy.
• "Manly" face lotion. He requested it, because his face get really dry in the winter.
• A "Life is Crap" daily calendar for 2012. He has a mild obsession with those pictures and he collects t-shirts with the little sayings, so I figured a calendar with "Life is Crap" sayings for every day of 2012 is right up his alley.
• A handmade card with a short letter in it. He prefers cards to be handmade, which is weird for a male, but he likes that I put time and effort into it. Plus, it’s personalized and has a heart-felt letter within.
• A package of cat treats for the adorable kitties I miss so much.
• A small cat toy. It’s a mouse. hehe.
• A Mario Mushroom tin.
• Lastly, a burned CD filled with songs that remind me of him and us. Those songs are:

1. Go On – Jack Johnson
2. Crazy He Calls Me – Billie Holiday
3. A Thousand Years – Christina Perri
4. Positive Negative – Modest Mouse
5. The Weather – Built to Spill
6. Constellations – Jack Johnson
7. The Reason – Hoobastank
8. Blame it on the Tetons – Modest Mouse
9. Vanilla Twilight – Owl City
10. Ohio – Modest Mouse
11. Into the Ocean – Blue October
12. Crooked Teeth – Death Cab for Cutie
13. Title and Registration – Death Cab for Cutie
14. Carry the Zero – Built to Spill
15. It’s Only a Paper Moon – Ella Fitzgerald
16. Fix You – Coldplay
17. Johnny Guitar – Peggy Lee
18. Missed the Boat – Modest Mouse

I know it’s not much, especially because what I wanted to get him for Christmas is wayyyyyy on the other end of the spectrum (I wanted to get him an iPad.) I know he’ll be really happy with it, because I put so much thought into it all. However, I just feel like there’s just something missing in it all. It’s just not enough. Ugh.

Anyway, after being so emotional this entire weekend, I got my period today. That explains everything, but it doesn’t change the fact that I have those feeling inside of me. Yes, I’m still really heartbroken and upset about everything, it was just multiplied and beyond terrible to control.

Last night, I had the hardest time falling asleep. I actually didn’t end up going to bed until nearly 4am, and being hormonal, beyond exhausted, and upset with everything, I ended up pissing Johnny off. Totally the opposite of what I was trying to accomplish, but we worked things out this morning. I got to really explain a lot of what I was feeling, so that really helped me feel better, too. He knows that I wasn’t upset and near breaking down because of my life, and then relying on him during the time of year when he barely has enough in him to get through the day. I was breaking down because I couldn’t help him, and I was losing it.
Okay, imagine yourself craving a cigarette and not being able to have one… Or being addicted to something and being unable to fill that addiction. Same concept here. I am going insane because my place right now should be helping Johnny deal with the 1 year anniversary of the loss of his mother, and I’m almost 700 miles away, unable to do jack shit.
*sigh*
 

Johnny and I have always had this amazing communication between us, which really has made things easier for us. I know what to expect and what goes on, so I’m not left in the dust or completely clueless. Even though we argued here and there, like all couples do, we never were upset with each other for long because we both got a chance to say what was bothering us (or whatever.)

Seriously, people. Communication is honestly key in every relationship. Sure, Johnny and I aren’t exactly *together*, but we still are… We act the same exact way when we weren’t together, so I don’t even consider us apart. However, we have the freedom to so where life takes us, so to speak.
We’re both sure we’re going to end up back together, but that won’t be until when I move back. The whole long-distance thing just doesn’t work.

Anyway, I really need to get some sleep, my stomach is starting to kill me… That’s really got me worried because there’s this horrendous stomach virus going around. That, and at work today I randomly had a fever of 101. So, I’m going to take my temp now, drink some water, and get some rest.

*crossing my fingers that I don’t get sick*