Taken to Heart

I had a realization today, and while it may seem very common-sensical to you, it was sort of a big deal for me.

Today I realized, in the midst of being sad, that the reason why I get so freaking sad all the time is because I take everything to heart.
By that I don’t mean that when I’m insulted or what not, it’s a blow right to my heart. No. What I mean is, well… Here’s an example:

My sister is doing terribly in school. Not because she’s not smart, but because she’s not even going. (I think she’s gone to school less than 20 times since the year started.) Her reasoning is because she doesn’t like anyone in the school and they’re "mean to her."  (As a side-note, this is actually blown way out of proportion. This is high school, here. She’s obviously pissing people off to get the treatment that she’s getting. That’s just the way it is.) However, my dad doesn’t really do anything to reprimand her or get her to listen to what he says. I know it’s a difficult thing to get a feisty 15-year-old girl to listen to what you say, but there *are* ways to do it.

So, that’s what got me so upset this morning… The issues with my sister. The NEVER ENDING issues. I care, and there’s nothing I can do because I’m "not her mother" and I should "stop acting like I’m her mom." To be honest, I’m not, but the girl needs some structure. I wish I had more, because things would be completely different for me right now. Anyway, I want to help in such a desperate way, but there’s this huge, thick, mountain of a brick wall built around this girl – there’s absolutely NO getting in. AT ALL.

For some reason, I feel like I must bear the weight of everyone’s troubles on my shoulders. I need to stop that. I have my OWN problems to work out. *sigh*

Speaking of which…
I know it seems like I have a new plan every single freaking time I write on here, but basically, it’s the same plane just tweaked and fine-tuned a little bit.
Sooooo….
My plan is to go to school for a short period of time, to take ONE $700 CNA course which would enable me to be a CNA. (Obviously.) So, when that’s over with I can look for a job as a CNA at the hospital and doctors offices in PA before I prepare to move out there. Then, when I actually do live out there, I’m going to apply to the program at Penn State to become a Registered Nurse.
I’m excited!! I know I hope to become a Child Life Specialist, but that’s also working in a hospital with children, so what I’m going to aim for initially is to become either a pediatric or neonatal nurse. YAY!

I’ve still be pointlessly looking for apartments, mostly looking to get an idea of what to expect come May, June, or July when I hope to move back to Pennsylvania. I’m working on it.

In the mean-time, I’m planning on visiting Johnny next month. My birthday is in January and Johnny needs to take his vacation by the end of December, so instead of spending my birthday with him, I’m going to spend some time with him when he goes on vacation. I hope. I’m hoping to get a hotel when I go out there so we can avoid being around his dad at all costs. Hopefully I have enough money for gas, food, and a hotel. ALKGJLKSJLDK. Please, please, please let me have a good birthday and at least see Johnny.