Realizations.

"I’ve done all I can, to stand on the steps with my heart in my hand."

I get in these moods, sometimes, where I think that everything is going wrong. Like, the other day, for example.

Johnny is busy a lot of the time, but I do need to make an effort to be a part of his life, too. I know I live nearby, and even though I’m not exactly comfortable around his dad, I need to come to his house too. I guess I expect a lot from him, and we do need to have a give-and-take relationship; if I give more, he’ll give more. Right? (In theory… haha)

Yesterday, Johnny and I spent the day together. We didn’t do anything special, but it was really nice not to have anything else to worry about. We drove out to a town, about 20 minutes away, to go and look at a futon this guy was selling on Craigslist. It wasn’t in pristine condition, but it was nice enough and cheap, so I decided to buy it. Immediately after, Johnny and the guy loaded up his truck and drove it to my apartment. When it was here, Johnny put it together and I washed the cover. Now I have two pieces of furniture to sit on, and both turn into beds. So, when I have visitors, I’ll have a place for them to sleep!

My apartment is all put together now, when I get the chance, I’ll take pictures of everything and post them on here. I’m gathering decorations slowly, and I have nothing on the walls in my bedroom, yet, but it’s a work in progress. I’m so happy to have a home that actually feels like home. It’s been quite a while since I’ve felt like this in the place where I resided.

I’ve been taking Effexor for a few months, now. At first things were great, I noticed a huge difference in my rollercoaster of moods, but lately I have noticed that I feel more depressed after I take it. Maybe it’s been a coincidence, but I’m not sure Effexor is the right medicine for me. Part of me wants to just stop taking it, but I know that wouldn’t be very smart. I’ve heard the withdrawls from Effexor are horrible, so I’m kind of afraid to stop taking it without the consent of my doctor. For now, I’ve decided to just keep taking it, but keep note on how I feel before and after I take the medicine.

I’ve gotten in the mood to write creatively, maybe I’ll post something soon. I’m working on an old song that I started years ago; it needs a lot of refinement, but it’ll get there.