Old Soul

There’s a frail old lady trapped in my body, I swear.

I must have been born 60 years too late, because my soul yearns for older times. What I would give to live and enjoy the 40’s in their prime…

I’d love to have my hair grown long, twist my locks into a tight victory curl, wear a form fitting dress to show off my hourglass figure, with a sweetheart neckline of course, and add a pop of color into my ensemble with my apple red pumps. My lips would be permanently stained with a scarlet tint, my cheeks brushed a rosy colored rouge, and my eyelashes perfectly curled to frame my icy silver-blue eyes.

Soulful music would softly emit from the radio as I sit with a few friends, sip coffee, and puff smoke into the air between sentences. Many lipstick-stained cigarette butts would lay in the glass ashtray sitting between us. We’d be typical women of the time, talking about our heroic husbands off fighting the war, choking back tears as we share the fears of our hearts, but loyal and willing to do our part. Our toddler children would be playing together on the ground next to us, occasionally fighting over wooden toys and homemade dolls, but squealing with glee and babbling to communicate with each other.

Life would be simpler; no technology to worry about, resorting to communicating face-to-face, and rushing daily to the mailbox to see if there’s a letter, sealed with a kiss, from the love of your life. Sure, there would be stress, life definitely would not simple in that regard. I’d would be a stay-at-home mom, doing dishes, cooking dinner, sewing, kissing scraped knees, and just being a true homemaker.

In the mornings I’d sweep up the newspaper and grab the glass bottle of milk off the front porch, one of my older children will be in the backyard collecting the eggs the chickens had laid overnight, and then prepare breakfast before sending the kids off to school.

While the kids are in school, the baby asleep, and when all housework is done, I’d relax knowing those moments are few and far between. Sunlight would shine on my face, warm my hair, and remind me that I’m not alone, that somewhere far away the same sunlight warms the face I love so dearly. Even though my husband is so far away, dealing with things in unimaginable situations, his heart is right here with me. He, first and foremost, will always be my everything and the biggest hero of my life. However, the hardest thing would be not knowing if I’d ever see the smile on his face ever again, hear the heart beat within his chest, or smell the slight smell of aftershave as he walks past me. Things around the house would get broke, and go unfixed for months and months at a time; the brokenness a constant reminder of his absence.

I long to live when life was simple, love was true, and people were kind-hearted. There’s so much hate, crime, violence, dishonesty, and chaos in today’s life. At times I’m afraid to even bring children into this world because of what it is becoming. Things will change, they always do, but I still think strongly that I was born 60 years too late.

Gosh, I’d be 81 right now, then. A grandmother, probably a great-grandmother, nearing the end of her life surrounded by family and the ones I love.

Well, I was given what I was given… I said this to Johnny before, and I truly believe that it is true as Johnny feels the same way, but I feel the reason why Johnny and I were both born into the world when we did (where there’s technology, computers, and all that junk) is because we wouldn’t have found each other otherwise. 650 miles between us, it’s highly unlikely we could have found each other in that time-period. So, in that regard, I am so glad I was born in 1991 instead of 1931.

I’m an old soul, I crave the classic and simple things in life. I guess I’ll just have to integrate it into my daily life now; a modern girl with a vintage twist.