Circles.

 I haven’t written in forever, not solely because I was lazy (even though that is part of it), but mostly because life has been so consistently boring that I truly haven’t had a single thing to write about. You know, aside from the normal shit my entries are filled with.

For the last few months, Johnny and I have been discussing our future living situations. I would talk about how broke I am all the fucking time, how I feel as though I feel taken advantage of, and basically how shitty it is for me to live so far away from my family and he is so stubborn and unwilling to move out of his dad’s house. Our discussions, which always turned into arguments, seemed to come up with some resolution but no words were ever spoken binding us to any agreement. So, really, we would continue to argue in circles, always about the same thing.

Fast forward to sometime in January, toward the end of the month… Johnny is fired from his job, and now he has no income. Awesome right? So any conversations we had about him moving in with me were trumped with, "I have no money to even help you out…" Blah, blah, blah.

My lease is up in July, but I needed to sign my new lease agreement or tell them that I was not staying here. Time was quickly running out, and I had to come up with an answer. Rent was raised, and there was no way for me to pay rent alone, so I had to tell them no. Come July, I will be moving in to Johnny’s day’s house with him. Why I agreed to subject myself to that once again, I do not know… However, I will be paying $500 LESS a month, which will be completely amazing in itself. Everything else will probably be miserable, but at least I will have money and will be able to afford visiting my family.

Speaking if family, my aunt who was diagnosed with breast cancer not even a year ago (and beat the cancer by October) has now been diagnosed with colon cancer. She had surgery, expecting everything to go well, and found out it was worse than originally thought. Now she has to go through chemo and radiation yet again.

Oh, and a mother of a child I take care of backed out of her parking spot and hit the front of my car as I was trying to leave.

This has been my life lately.

i am so stressed I have no real feelings for Johnny right now. He’s noticed, too… But I know it will pass.

 Ugh.