Breakdown

I cried at work today. Like, literally tears coming from my eyes kind of cry. 10 3 or 4 year olds were screaming, crying, running around me and laughing, or just blatantly ignoring me. I sat in the middle of it and broke down. It’s not my greatest moment, but it happened and we’ll move on. It’s just, I have dealt with difficult children before, but I have never been in a situation where it didn’t matter what I say or did, they just weren’t listening. It was frustrating.

I heard today that my classroom has had a horrible year. Teachers were coming and going every other month or week, and they even went through a period of time with no teacher and having to be distributed through rooms, so it’s no wonder why they are lashing out – they’re upset because another teacher is gone and another has been put in place. I’m not leaving. I’m not going anywhere. And even though I was seconds away from walking out, I know that I will not give up on these children. They deserve structure, discipline, and stability to get them by through the day and even in life. They are good kids, and I will not put them through that emotional rollercoaster and heartbreak again.

In August, my entire classroom will be moving up to Pre-K, so we have some work to do in these next few months. I know it’s not going to be easy, but I knew the job was going to be a challenge when I accepted it.

We’ll just have to see how it goes.