Borderline Personality Disorder

I’m pretty good at hiding the way I feel, most of the time, except to the only person that is closest to me and can tell otherwise… And that would be Johnny. Anyway, I’m tired of feeling like a fragile eggshell of a person about to crack, ready for a breakdown at any minute. I hurt a lot of the time, I’m constantly paranoid about everything, and I constantly need to be loved. I know it’s wrong, and I try. I try to be self-sufficient, strong, and think positively instead of the worst-case senario in every situation… But I can’t. So, I’ve done a little research about the way I feel, and I was “high risk” for Boderline Personality Disorder. This is what I found, and yes, it describes me almosr perfectly:

Borderline personality disorder

Personality disorder – borderline
Last reviewed: November 15, 2010.

Borderline personality disorder is a condition in which people have long-term patterns of unstable or turbulent emotions, such as feelings about themselves and others.
These inner experiences often cause them to take impulsive actions and have chaotic relationships.
Causes, incidence, and risk factors

The causes of borderline personality disorder (BPD) are unknown. Genetic, family, and social factors are thought to play roles.
Risk factors for BPD include:
Abandonment in childhood or adolescence
Disrupted family life
Poor communication in the family
Sexual abuse
This personality disorder tends to occur more often in women and among hospitalized psychiatric patients.
Symptoms

People with BPD are often uncertain about their identity. As a result, their interests and values may change rapidly.
People with BPD also tend to see things in terms of extremes, such as either all good or all bad. Their views of other people may change quickly. A person who is looked up to one day may be looked down on the next day. These suddenly shifting feelings often lead to intense and unstable relationships.
Other symptoms of BPD include:
Fear of being abandoned
Feelings of emptiness and boredom
Frequent displays of inappropriate anger
Impulsiveness with money, substance abuse, sexual relationships, binge eating, or shoplifting
Intolerance of being alone
Repeated crises and acts of self-injury, such as wrist cutting or overdosing