Beach Trip and a little T.M.I.

That last (F.O.) entry was supposed to contain my (mis)adventure to the beach but between being busy at work and a stroke of writer’s block, I didn’t quite get that far. I need a secretary I can dictate these things to. =)

Friday I got off to a late start as my paycheck had not yet arrived and I was having stomach problems out the wahzu (the worst place to have stomach problems in my opinion). At 2:30 PM (EDT), after several trips to the bathroom and recurring stomach cramps, I finally said the hell with it; let’s get on the road even if I have to stop every 15 feet. At least we’d be on our way. And for the majority of the trip I was doing well. About 3 hours or so into it, my wife took the wheel and I slept for an all too brief bit. I woke up to the wrath of Poseidon being poured out on the streets and no visibility beyond the hood of the car. We found a small gas station to pull into to ride out the storm. While there, my stomach started cramping again and I knew I was going to be sick so I went in and disgraced their porcelain throne for a good 15 minutes. Then it decided to switch directions and since all that was left in my system at that point was peppered beef jerky it was rather unpleasant. (My apologies to the 3 men who came in there during that time and the other patrons of the Han-Dee Hugo’s gas station at whatever small town that was who I was told could hear me more or less throughout the store.) By the time I came out, the rain had all but subsided and I purchased a Gatorade and we got back on the road. My ever-caring wife decided it was in my best interest to stop a few blocks down at an urgent care facility where they gave me fluids since I was dehydrated and shot me with Phenergan for the nausea (which burns like hell and makes your ass feel like you got hit with a 90 MPH fastball as well as making you quite drowsy). I struggled to remain awake while we finished driving to the beach (I believe we were maybe 20-25 minutes away at that point; hard to tell through the haze of the drug) to help look for the hotel we were staying in. I convinced my wife to do a night walk on the beach with me despite my intoxicated state. I am quite persuasive and determined when intoxicated, apparently regardless of what the intoxicant is. We unloaded the car and went for about a 10 minute night walk on the beach before crashing for the night.

Saturday morning I woke up at 7 AM after the most sleep I have had in months. (I think I passed out around 11 PM.) While I normally shun any sort of pharmaceuticals, I must say that that shot was definitely useful for that much at least. Well that and the 24 and 1/2 hours I had been up with maybe a 45 minute to 1 hour nap prior. But I felt fantastic and exceptionally hungry. I was supposed to stay on liquid foods for a day or two but since there was literally nothing left in my system (I think my colon is still in a septic system on the coast somewhere), I was starving and I ate for a good hour before we went and had breakfast with my wife’s step-dad’s first wife (that’s a long story in itself) who lives about 15 minutes from where we were staying. Which leads us to my favorite portion of almost any entry- SNARKY COMMENT TIME! (Applause)

Two weekends before our trip, my wife and mother made their own trip to the beach and had eaten at a restaurant called Snow’s Cut Café. She said that the food was not very warm when they got it, but that other than that it had been really good flavor, fair portions and a fair price so she wanted to go back to give it a second try. I agreed simply because I was hungry and didn’t want to spend another hour trying to figure out an alternative to where we should go. So off we go and after a 25 minute wait (it was hopping for a breakfast place), we finally got a seat. Jane (the aforementioned ex-wife of my wife’s step-father) offered to pay though all she got was a cup of hot tea. The AC unit above us was dripping condensation (I’m assuming) down onto the table. Not one to complain out loud in public where I can be seen, I just moved slightly to my right out from under it. It wasn’t a major drip; I wasn’t majorly concerned.

After waiting 25-30 minutes for what should have taken 16 (according to the waitress), I finally got a dry, overcooked and still cold hamburger steak, undercooked eggs, not-even-remotely-cooked hashbrowns, and some almost toasted toast. (Which befuddles me to no end considering even I can’t fuck up toast…and I’ve fucked up mac n’ cheese!) My wife got about 5 or 6 bites of her food (an omelette that was prepared without the cheese she asked for and the waitress repeated back, hashbrowns and toast), the AC began dripping in her food and that was all she ate. [Why it never occurred to her to move the plate slightly to the left out from under the area of the dripping AC to begin with, I don’t know, but at the time it had not dripped where she was sitting yet so I’m giving her the benefit on that one.] Now all that is fine and dandy and I can take a poor restaurant experience in good stride (i.e. without pimp-slapping the cook, waitress and/or owner), but the thing that irritated me to the point of vowing to never eat at this dreary hole-in-the-wall dungeon of a dinner better suited for torturing people rather than feeding them, is that, despite telling the waitress, "Your AC is dripping and you may not want to sit people here; it’s dripped into the food and I only got to eat a few bites of it" (which was far more polite than many people would have been…not mentioning anyone in particular *shifty eyes*), they never once offered to bring her a fresh plate, comp her meal or even say more than an (I thought flippant though my wife disagrees) "I’m sorry to hear that". So, in retaliation I will defame them in a blog few will ever read to a bunch of people who are not that likely to go to Carolina Beach any time, ever. That’ll show ’em! But on the off chance you do happen to be in that area, shun the Snow’s Cut Café as though it were a plague-ridden hell-hole shit out by the devil himself. Unless you just enjoy waiting too long to eat terrible, cold, undercooked food seasoned with air conditioner drippings in a dismal atmosphere, in which case it is on Carolina Beach Ave. directly across from the Carolina Beach police station.

Now, back to the trip at large, after this pathetic breakfast experience, it was raining and we decided that we would do all our indoor stuff that day, at least until such a time as it should clear up. That included a trip to the aquarium in Ft. Fisher [(which, while not a large facility, did have an albino alligator, something I can’t say for the much larger Ripley’s Aquarium in Myrtle Beach, S.C. (unless they got one since I was last there 5 years ago)] and some shopping at The Cotton Exchange in historic downtown Wilmington. I spent way more than I should have on Saturday but considering the non-stop work-a-thon of constant 64-76 hour work weeks it took to get those days off, I figure I deserved to blow some dough out the window. And I got some killer swag out of it and bought my brother-in-law and my mom their Christmas presents. I will abstain from discussing the things I bought in a public entry as it seems quite vain to me, but if you ask me in private, I’ll run the whole list with ya’.

Saturday ende

d with a not great but much better meal than it started with (at least they didn’t overcook my steak even if it was lackluster and they gave more food to me than I would have eaten in 4 sittings, much less one), some time in the pool and a bit of…well…you don’t need to know that. Somewhere in all that, there was a trip to a small but locally popular donut shop bearing my family name that I will go so far as to say has the BEST DONUTS IN THE WORLD!!! And you can quote me on that.

Sunday I was up at 6:30 in the morning. Well, I was up at 4:30 in the morning and thought of watching the sunrise on the beach. But I didn’t make it past a morning smoke before going back to sleep and waking up again at 6:30 after the sun had risen. "Best laid plans…" and all that. I watched TV and let my wife sleep in until 9 AM and then we packed most of our things in the car and headed out to the beach. We stayed out there on the first truly sunny day of the weekend for about an hour and a half, playing in the ocean, taking pictures, having a little picnic on the beach.

By 12:30 PM we were on the road to home (after a brief delay by a thankfully polite police officer who let us off with a warning for going 42 in a 45 MPH zone that he claimed was 49 in a 35 MPH zone despite one of those nifty electronic signs saying we were in a 45 MPH zone and traveling a whopping 42 MPH. Oh yeah, we’re freakin’ Bonnie and Clyde over here!) and we got back at about 4:30 PM, showered, had a nice dinner finally at a Japanese restaurant, and got back home in time for 3 hours of sleep before going back to work.

Of course this is all the abbreviated version of the tale, but it hits the important parts. Now it’s time for me to say my hellos to some friends I haven’t talked to in a few days and then get back to work.

Peace,
CCG
PS Not that you care, but my ass is still sore from that Phenergan shot.