He’s Back!!

So after about a week out my oldest son Damien (the 18 year old we had to kick out) called me up in a panic cause he was being asked to leave where he was staying due to the fact he doesn’t have a job (they couldn’t afford to support him)… I had already been worried about him cause he was coming down sick from the fact the room he was staying in apparently had no heat… So after his phone call I had a discussion with my husband about our options… We had 3 choices… Bring him home and give him one more chance, take him to the nearest homeless shelter, or leave him to figure things out on his own… We decided to bring him home… He was just getting sicker and it worried me… So we’re hoping the week he spent out gave him a taste of what it would be like to be on his own with nothing but himself to rely on…

I am a firm believer in 2nd chances… But I operate on the 3 strikes you’re out policy… So he has been made fully aware that if we have to kick him out again there will be NO coming back… No matter how bad it gets for him… He is pretty sick so we got him resting and medicine to help him out… It’s bronchitis he will be ok with some rest and plenty of fluids… We sat him down and had a long discussion with him about what is expected of him from here on out… We also drew up a contract… If he violates that contract in any way he will be out…

It’s a pretty standard contract really… It outlines his new rules and expectations for living under our roof… Plus the consequences he will have to live with since he was arrested…

• No Electronics (Computer, Video Games, Smart Phones, Etc until he earns the privilege back) 

• No Hanging Out With Friends That Do Not Meet Our Approval (Since his arrest was a result of him trying to show off to impress a “friend” that was a bad influence)

• No Going Into A Store Without Supervision (Since he has been busted 3 times for shoplifting)

• A Strict Curfew (Once he is free to wander about again… The less he wanders the less temptation to do something he shouldn’t be doing)

• Get A Job (He is 18 after all and he needs to learn to be self-sufficient)

• Home Directly After School (Until he earns the privilege to go out again) 

• No Illegal Activity (Which should be a no brainer but since he was arrested we felt this necessary to list)

• No Camping In His Room 24/7 (He did that all the time before and we feel that if you want to be a part of the family then you need to act like it and not isolate yourself from everyone)

• Until He Obtains A Job He Will Be Working For Us and A Few Friends Of Ours Performing Odd Jobs (The plan being to keep him busy and occupied so that he is less likely to do something stupid plus it will help him earn some cash to go towards the fines he will probably be getting when he goes to court)

Plus he has court coming up on March 1st for his arrest so he has to deal with the consequences from the judge as well… We also made him aware that we will NOT pay any fines he may have from court either… He is 100% responsible for the outcome and penalties he will face as a result of  his poor choices…

In a nutshell we are happy to have him home (it felt empty with him being gone) but he has a long way to go to earn our trust back and until that happens he will be living under strict stipulations… We also made him aware that he does not have to live under our roof if he does not like our new situation… He is after all 18 and free to leave at any time he chooses… Although we made it crystal clear that if he does leave he will not be allowed to come back… Once that door has been walked through it will be closed…

Hopefully this new direction forces him to grow up and start thinking more clearly about his choices and the consequences of those choices…