you were moving too

how could being be such a challenge?

and i know it’s hard to make it through

there is so much in me that desires validation, and it makes the peace in me so fleeting.  I feel the wanting, like poison,  seeping through my peace.

I don’t know where to start
maybe that’s a start

the thinking mind never gives up.  it uses logic to justify its wants and desires.  it uses history and reason, the things "I have a right to" and "the ways I have been wronged."  it’s so very acedemic, making it more difficult for the awareness to break it down, seeing it for what it is.  and I find my heart exhausted and impatient, tired of this game. This up and down, this tug of war with what I know I AM, and where the I am is lost in all else. 

and it’s strange how you cannot find any strength to even try
to find a voice to speak your mind
and when you do all you want to do is cry
maybe you should cry

at these moments, which with awarness, come so much more frequently, I have to remind myself to feel the life in my hands.  just feel the life in my hands. 

that is what I am.

you think you might disapear before the end