the far too simple beauty of the promises we made

it’s drifting away.  the knowledge of how it feels to be so intimately close to a person.  knowing that they want nothing but to be closer to you.  not even inches away.  they want their arms around you, their scent laced with yours, their eyes reflected in yours.  they want you to hold on to them and never release.  they want your thoughts and dreams and days to be filled with them because their thoughts and dreams and days are already filled with you.  recall the way you felt when you were near him, the way your heart would beat deeper in your chest, the way your eyes were full of more meaning, the way your movements were more natural, and the way your breath was more life-giving.  to the point where you could actually feel your blood being oxidized in his presence.  breathe in life, breathe out death.  breathe out pain, breathe out grief, breathe out stress, strain, earthly cares, human needs never fulfilled.  breathe out any and all self-doubt, fear of loneliness, fear of the unknown, fear fear fear.  breathe in confidence, health, beauty, strength.  breathe in his life and mine, our movement in one direction; no longer the chaos of a solitary life.  breathe in the silence of not knowing what this will be.  breathe through what fault lines were moving within me to make unadulterated irrevocable change.  breathe through the dam in torrential rainfall just before it was overrun.  breathe in the softness of the touch, the depth of the stare, the profundity of the words, indescribable something of the person who was before me, within me, beside me.  i breathed in, so deeply.  forgetting the most rudimentary knowledge that inevitably, i would again breathe out.