pist.

it makes me so mad when i bring up an issue with a friend that beyond doubt has been bothering me, and it gets blown off like it ‘s nothing.  really makes me frustrated.  especially when it’s something that’s been bugging me for ages, and i’ve never had the courage to address it, and i suddenly feel gutsy enough to, and the response i get is “i’m sorry you feel that way.”  that’s it.  fuck that.  it’s especially awful when this thing that has been bugging me is so central to my expression of who i am.  of how i interact with my friends.  and i feel like i’m not entirely myself around this friend because i can’t act how i do around everyone else.  what makes it worse is i’m the only one of his friends where this seems to be a problem.  i don’t know if i want to go into the reasons why i think this is a problem for him.  i have many theories.  many of which make me sad.  many of which make me say to myself “why the hell would he get that idea?”  i guess some people just can’t deal with an honest expression of emotion.  wow i am angry.  and hurt.  but i’ll get over it.  i always do.  even if it eats away at me until it explodes again.  even if it means our friendship is different than i thought.  even if i am being slightly dramatic.  and he’ll go on acting like it never happened.  god.  how i love it when people are nonconfrontationl.  he’s going to read this entry too, and i bet he won’t comment.  and if he does, it will be because i said he wouldn’t.