ok, so…

So on Sunday, I *did* go to youth mass, and I *did* have an amazingly wonderful time. I saw almost everyone, and was attacked with a barrage of hugs. *happies* Dominic was late, as usual. When he walked in, I couldn’t help but grin. I could feel my heart in my throat. I went over to meet halfway. He hugged me so hard, wouldn’t let go for-ever. When he did, I think I even saw tears in his eyes as he said “I missed you.” And immediately, I said, “One more!” and hugged him again. =) All through mass, I kept looking back at the choir (like I always do) from my spot with the other guitarists, and from the cantor podium, just because it makes me so happy to be there and see everyone sing. Dominic and I caught each others gaze from time to time, and we would smile. Hmm

Before church started, I went into the vestibule, where I knew all the youth team, including Chris, would be. They were and he was. I was stopped and mauled several times before I made it to him, at which point, I hugged him as hard as I could. He hugged me, but I don’t know… I guess I had expected more of a greeting like Dominic had given me.

After mass, I went to youth group at Chris’ request. It was the last meeting before the break, so it was a white elephant party. There were SO many people there; 50 at least. So of course, I sat with Chris, Meredith and Andrew. And it was a good time. After youth group, Jason took me home along with Chris, his two brothers, and Jim. Needless to say, I didn’t have a second alone with Chris before the night was over, unlike I had planned.

So now I come to the first of my problems/dilemmas. I started working at Meier & Frank on Monday, as planned, but I got home by 6:30–the night was still young. I called Chris, because he had suggested I come over after work. He had too much work to do, so I did not go. Shafted (#1). The girl choir concert was on Tuesday at the grotto. I had been looking forward to it and planning to take Chris for weeks. He had a test Wednesday morning, so he couldn’t go. Shafted (#2). My dad went with me as my date instead. It was lovely, and I love my dad, but it wasn’t what I planned. </3. Come Wednesday morning, I was to take Chris to school and coffee in the morning. He had to go early with Jason to study for that test, and cancelled on me yet again. Shafted (#3). Finally, on Wednesday evening, I *did* go to his house after work. I could only stay for something like 45 mins because his parents were making him help pick up the house for when his grandparents would be coming in the next day. But hey, at this point, I took what I could get. So I went over, and said hey to Yvonne, Damian and Drea, then we went up in his room and I played a bunch of music for him and we just chilled. It was good, but if anyone were to walk into his room, there would have been no awkwardness, if you know what I mean. I might as well have been Jason. God, I don’t know what to think. Maybe he’s just young and inexperienced. Maybe he doesn’t feel how I thought he did. Maybe I don’t…

I took him to school/coffee this morning. I had planned on giving him a kiss goodbye. Didn’t happen. Nothing is going as I planned. I think that’s my problem. I just need to let things happen as they will, instead of trying to make them happen. I’ve decided to back off. At least until I figure out how he feels… and how I feel.