kissing him goodbye
It’s such a strange relationship we have… we know so much
about each other, but there still remains a sense of wonder between us about
what could have been– or what might yet still be. Anymore, I don’t know whether
I really want that though. I know I really want to kiss him, but I think
I just want to kiss him goodbye… a goodbye kiss to everything we ever could
have been, other than friends. It’s so strange, because I want so much to share
meaningful moments alone with him, to resolve the past, so that I can move on to
a clear future… without him…
It’s so hard to let go sometimes. Every now and then, we exchange a
meaningful look, as if we both know what the other is thinking, but now, we have
accepted those once awkward thoughts as building blocks for friendship. There’s
so much confusion about him in my mind… someone else definitely dominates my
thoughts, and has been doing so for the past year… just like he used to… but
he is still in the back of my mind. I love him so much. I really and truly do. I
think he sincerely loves me as well. Thats the kind of kiss I want to give
him– to say, I love you, you will always hold that special place of first
love in my heart, but now I must move on. Being with him makes me content,
calm. Makes me know that everything will be good– no that everything is
good. It feels so good to be loved or at least to just love another person the
way I love him. And after all these years, it feels so good to be letting
him go.