a rock and a hard place

you know, life is really hard to figure out sometimes.

hard to know what you want, hard to know if you’re making the right choices, hard to know if you’re spending your time on the best relationships. 

it’s hard to own up to the fact that you might not, in fact, have it all figured out.  you don’t actually have your shit together, you might just be really good at faking it. 

it’s impossible sometimes to find space to breathe.  space to feel like the world can, indeed, be kept at arm’s length.  that it isn’t necessary to become completely wrapped up in life in order to live.

every now and then, i feel i catch wise to the fact that i am treading water.  that i’m kicking my legs and flailing my arms, and really getting quite exhausted trying to pull myself from the grip of some incredible undertow.  just terrified, terrified of what could happen if i let go and let the current take me.  would that be so bad?  can i actually do that? 

an exercise in will power, this is.  a test of self control, personal strength, independence and fortitude. 

i’ve got to stop doing what’s easy and start doing what’s right.