10/22/2010

I have had it. I don’t understand how a person can make plans with someone and then just not show up, not follow through, not even call. I’m so frustrated.

I talked to Paul on the phone yesterday and he asked if I wanted to get coffee with him today. I agreed. He said around 1 o’clock. I agreed. I texted him last night to ask if we could move it to 12 as I forgot about my acupuncture appointment. No response. Today 12 came and went, I figured he didn’t get the message. No big, we would still have time for coffee, it would just be brief. 1 came and went.  I called at 1:45, no answer. It is now 2pm.  WHAT THE FUCK.

Never in my life have I thought it was ok to completely stand someone up. The one time I did not show up when I said I would, I did it to a good friend.  I was tied up elsewhere, and with each passing minute, I felt moreand more shitty.  When I finally got to her, I brought her flowers and apologized basically on my knees, asking forgiveness. How does someone become comfortable with zero accountability? How does someone get into this habit, and not notice that it is not only hurtful and inconsiderate, but that it sends a message: "my time is far more important than yours, and you don’t deserve my consideration."

I may be being hard on Paul–I have only hung out with him one time, and I don’t really know what his deal is. But what happened today reflects the first time I met up with him.  We made a plan to meet at a bar, and he was much later to the bar than he had initially told me to expect him.  When he finally did show up, he said hello, and then left me there, saying it was too crowded and he would come back in half an hour. I’ll give him that he misunderstood and thought I had come with friends. But he didn’t ask me that, he just assumed.  Nope. I had come alone, to meet him. Granted, my friends work there and I would go weather or not I was meeting him, but my plan that night was to meet him. He returned more than an hour later, just before I was going to give up and leave. I was pretty irritated. I halfway told him my annoyances, but didn’t want to really get into it because this was our first time hanging out. He was apologetic, bought me a beer, then took me to a studio where his friends were, and I had an awesome fucking time until 6am when he drove me home.

At any rate, Paul is not the first flaky person I have encountered here. He is the third. After Joe, Jeff, and now Paul, I am beginning to think I just attract these people. I don’t know. I feel like I’m on a streak of getting my hopes up just to be let down again. I’m so torn. I feel like I want to keep making efforts to make friends, and I feel like I want to abandon it completely. I feel like I should stop trying and just let it happen as it will. But I get so impatient. I feel like I need to learn to expect nothing. That seems so ridiculous when it comes to something as simple as making plans. Why, when I plan to do a specific thing with someone at a specific time, should I have to expect that it won’t actually happen? That seems so bleak! I am really missing the friends back home, who were accountable. People who would call and make plans, and follow through. Or at least let me know if they had to break them.

I just feel so yanked around. I’m exhausted by it.